Does cuddling have to lead to sex?

I'm 49, soon to be 50 in a few days and my husband is 51.  We don't have the best of sex life these days due to other reasons but I've asked him to just cuddle with me at night so I can go to sleep in his arms.  We've been together for about 18 years, married 18.  When he cuddles with me, which isn't often, he tends to think that means I want to have sex.  I can feel things "poking" me if you know what I mean and he always tries to make the move.  Mont times I say no and that I just want him to cuddle.  He says that it's too hot to cuddle all night and he doesn't mind doing it for a little while but after that he's either ready to go further or turn over and go to sleep.  Why can't he just cuddle with me without it meaning I want to have sex?

22 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 month ago

    Listen, although I'm far & away on your side of this argument, I also don't want to detract from the idea that he can get tired of cuddling or he can't do it w/o getting stiff. He should be entitled to some sleep too... Now, can he just cuddle with you until you fall asleep and then he can just turn over and go to sleep himself?... I would think so, but I'm not in his shoes..

    No cuddling doesn't have to lead to sex. There has to be a way to resolve this in a way that works for everyone; it's not rocket science... Hopefully other people have some suggestions. Good luck.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You seem to assume that men have complete and utter control over their erections, which is far from the truth. Seriously, sister, if you're pushing 50 and your guy still gets hard just at the thought of having sex with you, take it as the blessing it is. It's a trope that women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex. But expecting a sexually healthy guy to just cuddle you for hours like some Taylor Swift video and not get excited by it is a wee bit naive on your part. You like cuddling, he likes sex, these are the positions from which you have to start negotiating. He doesn't want to cuddle you unless he gets something out of it too. So work on this as a couple. 

  • 2 months ago

    It depends. It's about the connection you have with the person. Like you can cuddle with your lover and have thoughts on wanting to have sex with your lover or cuddle with your lover but don't have sex with your lover.

  • 2 months ago

    oh yes

    oh yes 

    oh yes............................

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    No.  My exhusband used "cuddle" as code for sex and it was something I grew to really hate about him.  It was never really cuddling either and never any cuddling after once we got married.  Once the sex stopped (his decision) there was never so much as a hug again.  I didn't settle down again until I found a man who genuinely likes a cuddle and is very clear that sex and cuddling are not the same activity.  We have a very good sex life and part of that is that we can be physically close without any expectation it has to lead to sex.  It sounds counter-intuitive perhaps but I think many couples go off sex with each other because they don't feel emotionally safe to be physically intimate in a non-sexual way when feeling exhausted or sad or under the weather when sex isn't what you need at that moment. To be "comforted" shouldn't be a euphemism. Of course if it's hot it gets sticky to sleep entwined all night but I love the fact that all these years on we still at least sleep with a leg touching at a minimum completely unconsciously.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

     Cuddling is usually the gateway which leads toward sex zj

     . . . . . . . . . .

     , , , , , , , , , ,

  • 2 months ago

    Because he's a guy, that's why.  You said so yourself, remember?  Guys only do cuddling if it leads to 'lower' cuddling.  If you can't handle that, become a lesbian.

    Here's the bottom line:  A relationship absolutely is based on sex.  Marriage, common law, steady dating... call it whatever you want, but it's completely based on sex.  

    Did your husband really start dating / propose / marry you so he could have someone's purse to hold while shopping?  Was it really so he could listen to someone complain for hours about what a jerk your cousin's ex boyfriend was?  Did he get involved with you so he could wait for 30 minutes while you pick out the right pair of shoes to wear to the cinema?  Did he just need someone to watch drippy romantic 'comedy' movies with so his friends wouldn't laugh at him?

    If you answered yes to any of those questions, you answered wrong.  Your husband got into a relationship with you for the sex.  All that other stuff is fun (well not really), but it's not why he wanted to date / marry you.  There's a word for people who see each other often, care deeply about each other and share their hopes and fears and dreams together in a sacred bond of trust, and that word is friends.  Sex isn't one of the differences between friends and lovers, it's the only difference.

    From the age of 10 until the age of completely dead, guys think about sex an average of 24 hours a day.  It's not the only thing we think about, it's just the thing we're always thinking about.  If you can't deal with that, you've got no business even talking to a guy.

  • Murzy
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    That physical contact starts the sex machine in motion.

  • edward
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    My wife wants me to cuddle every day.  That’s fine but it’s cold where we live and she wants the window open a crack.  In the summer we sleep on opposite sides of the bed when we wake up she’s miles away, because it is far too hot

  • 2 months ago

    Get outta here! He's given you a perfectly legitimate sensible explanation and you want random strangers to tell you why he can't cuddle without wanting to hop on? LOL Seriously?

    THIS IS YOUR OTHER POST: My husband and I are in our early 50s. He's 51 and I'll be 50 in a few weeks. For the majority of the year he's not been wanting to touch me. Up until a few weeks ago we had only had sex maybe 3 times this year. Yes, I was sexually frustrated. About a month ago we finally did it. A week or so later he wanted to do it again but I wasn't in the mood. The next week we did have sex again. The other night he was playing around with me like he always does and I knew he wanted to have sex again but I turned him down again. I just wanted him to cuddle with me. One of his biggest issues with me is that I don't initiate sex anymore so he got to the point to where he wasn't going to keep making all the moves. We got into it again last night about it and he asked me when the last time I actually wanted sex and actually made a move to get it. Or. since cuddling is such a big thing with me why haven't I ever rolled over in the bed and actually cuddled with him. Maybe I'm wrong but I'm the one who wants to be cuddled not the one doing the cuddling. He even made mention that I don't go down on him anymore. It's like when we got married some 10 years ago that switch got turned off. Yeah, I know I've complained here a lot about our lack of sex but now it seems he wants it all the time now and I wasn't ready for that. Did I awaken a sleeping giant by complaining so much?

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.