Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

How do I get away from my sister when we’re at a family celebration and she starts to bully me to everybody?

The only good thing about coronavirus is I have not had to see her except once since March.  I absolutely hate her because she is so cruel to me.  She’ll even insult me to my cousins.  Luckily the side of the family I’m closer to does not have a relationship with her.   

   

She’s one of those people that if she died no one will shed a tear her funeral except our parents.  How do I get away from her when I have to see her at celebrations? I’m afraid next summer when this Covid mess is over I’ll have to start seeing her again occasionally.  She’s high risk and I hate to say it but the thought has crossed my mind that it would be good if she got COVID-19 and died but I know that’s a terrible thing to think.  

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I've had this experience but let me tell you a very stoic explanation that may change your outlook forever. 

    You can treat this situation in one of two ways:

    1) complain endlessly and be hurt, trying to change the other person which never works

    2) be grateful and take this as an OPPORTUNITY to become a better person

    One of the great things you can develop from this "opportunity" is patience, great enduring patience that will help you in many situations of life and in much more difficult circumstances. 

    When you are about to meet her, tell yourself again and again,

    - I won't be irritated by her

    - I won't let anybody else develop my character

    - I won't treat her the way she treats me

    - I will be kind to her as a sister ought to be

    This, in psychology, is called "affirmation" - telling yourself repeatedly what you want to be. Over time, you become what you say. For example, right now you are in a state of negative, pessimistic affirmation; telling yourself how bad this is, and it shows in your attitude how negative you are, to the point you wish she was dead. It's okay! This is a natural response but it definitely isn't the appropriate response.

    You see, when we have a problem, OUR BRAIN GENERATES THE PAIN, NOT OUR ENVIRONMENT! The brain is telling you that something is wrong and needs to be fixed internally. If I fell down a flight of stairs and my brain didn't tell me that there is severe pain in my bones, I'd continue life as usual and probably break/damage my bones beyond repair to the point of disability. 

    The point is, you don't run from problems and pains or try to eliminate them. People try to escape depression by using alcohol; it never works. What you need to do is fix yourself or become an even better person.

    O for Opportunity, not Obstacle 

    Here's an ancient quote by a famous poet with which you might find motivation:

    "Yesterday I was clever, I wanted to change the world.

    Today I am wise, so I'm changing myself."

    When you change yourself internally, it will reflect in your outward experience and attitude, often without you noticing it, until somebody comes and compliments you. Maybe, it will be your sister.

    Good luck on your journey inwards.

  • 2 months ago

    Boundaries, have boundaries and stick to them. You get to choose if you attend the same family events as your sister and you'll have to decide if you can manage a few hours around her to see the rest of the family or not. Sometimes it really isn't worth it and you can see about arranging other times to visit family and choose to celebrate occasions on alternate days. There have been times when I decided that if certain family members started certain lines of conversation during holiday gatherings, I would ask them to stop, politely but firmly, only once. If they continued, I was just fine with leaving early... my sisters and I all kind of have that boundary with some family members and make sure we park in areas where we can easily escape. 

  • T J
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Why do you go anywhere she is going to be at?  If I had this problem, she would never see me again. I would not care what function it was, id not go.

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