Now he wants sex?

My husband and I are in our early 50s.  He's 51 and I'll be 50 in a few weeks.  For the majority of the year he's not been wanting to touch me. Up until a few weeks ago we had only had sex maybe 3 times this year. Yes, I was sexually frustrated.   About a month ago we finally did it.  A week or so later he wanted to do it again but I wasn't in the mood.  The next week we did have sex again.  The other night he was playing around with me like he always does and I knew he wanted to have sex again but I turned him down again.  I just wanted him to cuddle with me.  One of his biggest issues with me is that I don't initiate sex anymore so he got to the point to where he wasn't going to keep making all the moves.  We got into it again last night about it and he asked me when the last time I actually wanted sex and actually made a move to get it.  Or. since cuddling is such a big thing with me why haven't I ever rolled over in the bed and actually cuddled with him.  Maybe I'm wrong but I'm the one who wants to be cuddled not the one doing the cuddling.  He even made mention that I don't go down on him anymore.  It's like when we got married some 10 years ago that switch got turned off.  Yeah, I know I've complained here a lot about our lack of sex but now it seems he wants it all the time now and I wasn't ready for that.  Did I awaken a sleeping giant by complaining so much?

40 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    You’ve gotten good answers- truth is that we don’t know you, him, let alone the dynamic between you two.

    The only thing I can tell you is that a guy can have sex with no feelings whatsoever. It isn’t a meal deal for them. He can want sex and only sex, or both, but never assume that because he wants sex, that means he also wants more.

    Sex shouldn’t even be part of the equation when you’re thinking whether he likes you or not. And yes, that includes compliments about how you look, late night text, etc.

    Someone once told me, “If it’s a maybe; it’s a no.”

    When someone likes you, you know. There are exceptions where it’s hard to read someone but most people aren’t the exception.

    You notice with their mannerism with you, how they look and treat you. How interested they are in your words and your world. And if all else fails, you definitely notice when someone doesn’t want you.

    What is he investing in you? I don’t mean financially, but in terms of time, text messages that aren’t just you dragging the conversation or about sex. In terms of affection, does he show any of the five love languages- be it gifts, time, acts of service, sweet words, and yes, physical touch. The thing with physical touch is, does he want to touch you just as part of getting in your pants, maybe because he’s wants to sleep with you but also finds you attractive, or does he touch you in innocent, nonsexual ways as well. There’s a difference.

    So you know.

    And if you’re focusing only on the sex aspect, chances are he isn’t giving you many other signs. If he isn’t doing any of the stuff mentioned above, then you can assume he doesn’t like you.

    If you like him and really want to know, then it’s simple (but not easy). All you have to do is stop sexting of talking about sex with him. Create a boundary. At first, any guy will keep pushing to talk about sex, that’s normal. Just stand your ground. He may try to court you until he gets you to talk about sex again, so make sure that the way you measure whether he likes you or not is by things that are hard to fake. Everyone can be sweet to you for a short time, but most can’t invest in you and show you genuine affection for prolonged periods of it isn’t there. We humans are good at telling genuine and fake apart, even when we’re in denial; we always know.

    Good luck!

  • 2 months ago

    He needs to respect your boundaries and not pressure you into having sex. If he's allowed to reject you for an entire year, then you're allowed to reject him once or twice.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I will never understand why women don't just put out for their husbands.  How hard is it to spread your legs for 5 minutes and let him do his thing?  He is your husband, for crissake.

  • zipper
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    So he is finely living up to his duties as a husband, and you have a problem with that!  I 90 Plus I love a good tumple once a week or more when possable. Stop fining fault and start enjoying it!

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  • 2 months ago

    Well i don't know your husband but i think he was being really blunt talking about why don't you initiate cuddling since you like it so much so maybe you complaining made him feel the need to address it. But it comes off like he expects you to pursue what you want like he does and that's where you guys are getting off on the wrong foot. You want him to come to you and he wants you to come to him sometimes. You guys just have to learn how to meet in the middle and how you both basically stopped trying and both just want to be chased by each other you need to turn that switch back on and love each other like you're just seeing each other for the first time.

     People these days fall out so much and become uninterested and bored so quickly because they stop doing the little things that show they care. They see it as they already have each other so in their eyes they don't have to make much effort anymore if any. Not saying you guys are like that but i think somewhere along the line you both fell into that category without even realizing it. So go talk to your husband and you guys come up with a compromise and don't forget to love an cherish each other. Love him like he's not gonna be here tomorrow and if he can do the same for you then hopefully you guys can get back on track. Hope this helps and good luck.

  • 2 months ago

    WOW.I am trying to figure this out so that I might be able to offer a different perspective.  Okay, so you've ONLY been married 10 years? Were both of you married before or what? How did you guys meet? Were you both married, met, then left your spouses to marry each other?  These things matter. WHY all of a sudden is he wanting sex when in the past you said you've only had sex 3 times a year and he's the one that has not been wanting to touch you? To me it sounds like he is toying with you. I need details in order to give some advice. please elaborate more. Is he on Viagra or something? Seriously sounds like LOVE is missing in this equation.

  • garry
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    yes he wants sex , most women over 50 have sex often , why are you different , seems he finds you sexy again , best to shut up and enjoy the chance ..should be flattered he still wants  you .

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

     Guys usually do enjoy some sex which isn’t unusual zjqkpb

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  • 2 months ago

    At 50, you're far from being senior citizens. An active healthy sex life is far from being abnormal, it is a necessity for most people. The initiative should be equally taken by both of you. Fortunately, I've never had that problem as both my wife and I are still compatible and enjoy each other while in our late 70s.

  • 2 months ago

    He probably just misses that intimacy with you. Sex isnt always about sex. Sometimes it's nice to just be with the person you love in such a private one on one way. A marriage is a bond and maybe he just misses feeling a certain closeness with you. I wouldn't "just have sex" to fix the issue but definitely try to do something that your comfortable with that can make it a more relaxing thing for the both of you. Best of luck! 

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