Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 2 months ago

What can I do to get out of my fantasy world?

I am 25, live in London with my parents and siblings. I am unemployed at the moment not that I had a good job before the lockdown. I do have £20,000 in savings which is the only thing I am proud about in my life. I have a useless degree in Business Management and Human Resources. I don't have experience in this area (applied for 1000+ jobs and even messaged charities to do unpaid internships in HR but they never needed anyone so a career in HR never worked out). 

Anyways, I tend to daydream a lot and have my own fantasy world. I know daydreaming is normal but I daydream too much. I also have a lot of regrets in my life and I wish I did things differently. I am not happy with myself and feel lonely and depressed. I don't have any friends too and my family are a mess. 

My concentration and memory is poor. I can't speak very well so I'm not good at making conversations and I am quite shy. I can't clearly form my sentences sometimes and can act awkward front of people. 

I am trying to get into a routine and change. For example I want to try going for a run every morning, meditating, doing online courses and reading but I just end up sitting at home in my room on Youtube. I can't help it. 

What can I do? 

Do you think I should go away to some yoga, meditation and counselling retreat for a week somewhere in the UK with no TV or internet? 



2 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    That's depression talking!  You're not an outlier and it sounds like you've had bad luck in finding a job that plays to your skills which isn't that unusual either.  I really feel for your generation coming of age with a job market in crisis where even before this recession we're on the brink of jobs have been disappearing and permanent jobs are like gold dust in many sectors. It's also not uncommon to have a mini crisis in the mid-20s as day dreams and reality collide.  So far so normal - even if it doesn't feel good.  Depression can kill your concentration too and make you feel slow witted and clunky.  The good news is that it's not a one way down hill direction.  Those things improve when the depression improves.  You're daydreaming so much because you don't have enough to do.  Don't slag yourself off for a natural response to this situation.

    "Do you think I should go away to some yoga, meditation and counselling retreat for a week somewhere in the UK with no TV or internet? "

    If you want to - go for it!  Sometimes a change of scenery makes all the difference.  After lockdown - obviously.  Personally, I've always found going away to do something with my hands most beneficial to clear my head.  I've become quite good at drystone walling though nobody would think it look at me in my "normal" life.  Have you thought about volunteering with the Conservation Volunteers (used to be called the British Conservation Trust)?

    or similar:

    Or any other volunteering.  The nice thing about activities is that you don't need to think up witty things to say right away.  You can just be with people doing stuff and the tasks themselves give you something to talk about.  It's the ultimate icebreaker.

    When the last recession hit I was a little older than you and it hit me both at a bad time in my personal life when I was feeling pretty low and hit the industry I was in so hard that it still hasn't recovered and now probably never will - and I still mourn for who I would have been if I could have stayed.  I still have dreams where I do my old job even though I went on to move into a much better career.  I do get how hard it is to let go of what you thought you were going to be - so with all seriousness I think you need to let go of HR as a career goal and be prepared to be like water and flow around the rocks to get to where you're going.

    Even more than seeing a counsellor I think your first goal should be to take a career psychomatric test for grown ups because if you got one in school it was probably as rubbish as the one I got.  Here's an example of one geared to the British market:  

    Don't pay a lot for this sort of thing.  The idea is to throw up jobs you might never have known existed and become a little flexible in your thinking.  Then go see a career coach.  Steel yourself for this!  If you go with a reputable company (I went with Reed, I don't know what they're like now) you will get some brutal feedback.  It was awful - but it was 100% spot on in my case.  I'd only ever worked in one, very incestuous industry and had no idea about "how stuff works" outside it.  I thought long and hard about the advice I'd paid quite a lot for and came to realise that it was right and that I could take it and still be true to myself.  If I'd not taken the advice I doubt I'd have got a better job than shelf stacking and only once every other person had been hired before me.  I'm not bad at what I do - I sucked at presenting myself in the right way.  Honestly, the advice I got was 1000% more beneficial than counselling would have been at that point.

    As a human being you're going to be okay.  Careerwise, I think an awful lot of us will have several careers between now and retirement, some of which don't even exist yet.  We are living in a time of great change such as only comes around every few hundred years.  It will be important to keep your feelers out and be prepared to change course as when necessary.  Oh, and those savings ARE impressive, a totally non-sarcastic well done!  You really should be proud.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    It sounds good you do have 20,000 in savings.

    How did you get it?

    i would say yes.Go for the weekend retreat.

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