How to call out of work in a believable way?

Answer 1

Just tell them you are not feeling well. They do not need details.  If you must, just say, you must have eaten something that made you ill, and that you are living in the bathroom from it.

Answer 2

You seem far too stupid so just do everyone a favor and just quit.

Answer 3

Tell them you tested positive for COVID, and do they want you to come in anyway?

Answer 4

Share your "questions" about taking photos of other men when they are shirtless and then "enjoying" the photos later.

That should pretty much explain your absence.

Answer 5

Tell them something embarrassing like you have a very bad case of diarrhea .