Surviving a sexless marriage?

I find myself in a sexless marriage, at least by definition. (less than 6 times a year), it has been this way for about five years now.  We have been married for over 30 years. My wife did not have a career, and steady employment throughout the marriage.  Combine this with our age, Canadian laws dictate I am responsible for her financial support for the remainder of her life.  Divorce is not a favorable option as my personal earnings would be cut in half. (yes, you head me correctly, half of my income for the remainder of her life), nor is the current state of our sex life.

I do love her very much, and I respect the “Contract” of marriage, but I am becoming increasingly miserable, I have concluded this is unsustainable.  Divorce is now being considered, so is adulty and sex workers.  Do I try and find a replacement first?  Someone that is already getting half of her X-husbands income.  Do I find a FWB, only to get caught and have the marriage end in divorce? (could be where its going at anyway).  Or perhaps ask her to open the marriage?  Am I grasping at straws?

Lets have it boys and girls, share your thoughts and experiences

23 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    cheaper to keep'er dude, besides, about half of us are where you are. Just get out and flirt.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

     Get divorced if you're really not happy with thing's zxjq

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  • 2 months ago

    Life is too short, move on and be happy, oh, and avoid paying her any money at all by going on welfare for a while, or work for cash only.

  • 2 months ago

    Everyone's definition, of what is a sexless marriage or relationship is not the same.  I have friends who think if they can not get some form of sex intimacy 4-7 times a week. I know people who are happy with once a week, to 1-2 a month to being in a true sexless relationship, no sex at all.  and some do not care for sex.  The issue is how much sex you want and how much sex you can get.  I think I might be average, wanting sex 2x a week, and once in a while 3 or at least also giving and or getting oral once a week.  How many times have you tried to talk with your wife to have more sex.  what have been her reasons not wanting sex more.  It could be a medical issue, that makes sex unpleasant  for her.  You should have insisted, you talk with a medical and psychological doctor to find out why she does not want sex more or at all.  And how do you treat her normally.  Do you complain a lot, argue a lot, are selfish in helping around the house.  Do you put her down, disrespect her, or make fun of who she is or what she likes to do.  When I hear a judge, or lawyer make a stupid statement making excuses for rape or molesting a child. There was a Governor, who said, stated in a legislated secession, that most rapes are fake if the woman has an orgasm, or gets pregnant.  I could not imagine a woman after hearing that, would want to have sex with that man. Heavy or light abuse, even back handed compliment, are a sex killer.      

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  • 2 months ago

    All you have talked about is your financial situation and what might benefit YOU. You don't mention counseling, sex therapy or any other type of medical/emotional/psychiatric intervention. If you do love and respect your wife, don't you think you owe it to her and the marriage to try those paths before looking for sex somewhere else?

    You don't even mention why your wife isn't interested--if indeed that is the issue. I think you should start THERE--not outside the marriage. Not until you know what the issues actually ARE. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    If money cannot make you happy, then money is useless.  Half your income or your happiness is your choice.

  • hi
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Tavy, isn't the fact that he has worked all his life in order to provide for his wife, enough for her to show some appreciation for her husband? also, why wives aren't supposed to show any appreciation for their husbands?? you claim that he is supposed to spend money on his wife and buy her chocolates, flowers, gifts, jewelry etc ( how do we know he isn't doing those things already?) yet she isn't supposed to do any of those things for her husband? Now, I would feel so weird if I was married and my wife only had sex with me if I "invested" money on her....I wouldn't have any problem giving her flowers or chocolates.. but I would feel weird if her way of saying "thank you" was by having sex with me.

  • 2 months ago

    Six times a year is far from sufficient to satisfy minimal needs. Have you tried talking to her about it? That's what I would have done a long time ago. If you have and she's refusing I'd find a married FWB who is in a somewhat similar situation.

  • David
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    OK, this is REALLY thinking outside of the box...

    First, let me state that I got this idea not because I was looking for a way to end a marriage without getting screwed, but simply because I was looking for a way...ANY way, to end a marriage.  

    I've been living overseas for many years.  I had a marriage that failed because I discovered my wife was cheating on me.  (OUCH!!!)  I had to divorce her.  But here's the problem. I am a United States citizen.  I could not file for divorce in the United States, because I was not a resident of the United States.  I discussed the matter with my boss, who was also a friend of mine.  He suggested I file for divorce in the country I was living in at the time.   I looked into it, and found a legal firm that caters to expats and they speak English.  The cost was expensive, but about as much as a divorce would have cost in the United States anyway.  The nice thing is, where I filed for divorce...alimony is rare, and it is limited.  Even if your wife can argue that alimony should be awarded, it is a lump sum payment the equivalent of about $3000 USD or less.  ONE time payment...

    And even then, it is a very rare case where alimony is awarded.

    Anyway, my divorce was granted, and I got the final divorce decree, and it is notarized and apostilled...and it is 'recognized' as a legal divorce in the United States.  Even though I was living in Asia and got divorced in Asia.  

    Can you get a job working somewhere overseas for the Canadian government?  I know such jobs do exist.  They would be good paying jobs, too.  You could take your wife with you, or leave her in Canada.  It wouldn't matter.  But after getting an alien registration card for the country you are living in, hire a lawyer IN the country you are living in, and file divorce there.  The divorce should be recognized in Canada as a legal divorce.   Of course, you would want to do research first to make SURE that Canada would recognize the divorce from another country.  But I can tell you that this approach worked perfect to divorce in the United States.

  • Tavy
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    What are you doing to attract your wife? Do you still treat her with love, buy her flowers, tell her she is beautiful. Do you have evenings where you cook, light candles, treat her like a lady ?

    Why is it her fault, we women are not sex machines we need to have a loving partner to feel sexy.

    Look at yourself before blaming her.

    Why would any other woman fancy you ?

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