Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 months ago

I wonder if anyone else thinks that we probably love each other, but can't admit to it? I think we do...?

In 2004 I met a woman at work "B", who I fell for. Unfortunately, I was married (but having issues), and she was engaged to a mutual friend & colleague. Our friendship was based on mutual affection; there was no physical involvement, however our colleagues knew there was something, but were discreet. She didn't have a high opinion of her fiance, but decided to marry him because she wanted to become a mother, and he seemed a good man (she's Catholic).

A year after I joined she left, but at her leaving party she admitted, in front of me and some colleagues who knew us, that she had feelings for me. Her fiance arrived to pick her up. We had an emotional parting.

Our paths crossed a couple of times, and she encouraged me to join social media sites because she used them. We regularly post mutual Birthday and Christmas greetings. She had children; I reconciled with my wife and we had a daughter.

Then, in late 2017, I started a new job in a firm. On my first day, I met the "B"'s husband. He informed me she was working there too! I was staggered. The next day she spotted me in the office, and immediately came over. It went from there. 

A few months later he told me he was leaving the firm; she was furious with him, and they had argued. At his leaving party (early November 2018) she arrived a bit late, and said hello to him, but left him alone, and ended up finding me, staying with me (and buying me drinks) all night. 

We have remained close since, even though we are apart.

5 Answers

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    3 months ago

    It's taken you almost twenty years and you are still thinking of getting something started with the B.  Stop.

  • 3 months ago

    There are likely hundreds of people we could successfully pair with. When we marry, we are declaring, publicly and legally, that we HAVE made our choice. Marriages have their ups and downs but as long as the couple continue to be spouses.. they are holding to that choice. You live with your wife, she's still with her husband (despite fury) and, well, frankly, spending the evening flirting with you at HIS party in the firm you are ALL involved with.... might inspire the scandal tree but it's not a sign that you two are better paired together. Some people are better being a "could have maybe been" than they'd ever be at actually being a spouse. As you present her, she's a woman who married a man she didn't respect but who made a good income and she wanted babies, and when in serious depute with her spouse, she actively engaged in public social flirtation surely aimed at HURTING HIM. 

    Meanwhile, you're both married to your chosen spouses. I suggest you think of her as someone you've known for years and have periodic communication with and give no higher position in your life. She's not the one who got away. She might be the one you very fortunately did NOT have a romance with. 

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    You sound like very close friends 

    who care about each other. I don't

    think it is the type of love you are 

    wanting it to be. If the two of you 

    were not "entangled" in other lives, 

    then maybe over time it might have 

    grown to be more, but...

  • 3 months ago

    Yessss! Stevie Wonder could see you two have a connection! This is like asking is the sun, sunny when it shines. Yes!!!!! Note: I have been friends with two girls who had the following scenarios.

    One girl was seeing a MARRIED swat team member whose wife was also on the force. When I say seeing, I mean having sex only when she got off work from bartending. This went on for 2 years. Then they started hanging out outside of just sex. Then he got a divorce after he and his wife physically fought at work when she found out about my friend. He and my friend left each other alone for a year. Then he and my friend got engaged and married a year after that. Yes, it was and still is weird to me. Yet, they've been married 18 years now. 

    Other girl: she and her guy were late night sex calls only. He ended up meeting a different girl that he liked. One night out he and the other girl he liked were together out at an event. My friend and I showed up as it was our last hoorah before moving out of state that weekend. His girl he liked saw him hug my friend a wee too long and flipped out. He went running after her. My friend wanted him to stay and talk to her and ran after him begging. He turned around and said "you're not my effing girlfriend," and ran chasing after the girl he liked. My friend was crushed. We moved out of state as planned. She got engaged to another guy and had a daughter. The one who ditched her ended up marrying the girl he liked. Flash forward 6 years and my friend moved back to the town the guy was in and by absolute coincidence they ran into each other at the College World Series. There are a tonnnnnn of people that attend, but they ran into each other. She did not even need to go into the story as I knew they would finally figure it out. Well, they talked. He was still married, but separated. They moved in together. He filed for divorce. They got married and had 2 kids together. They would still be married now if she hadnt progressed to a full blown alcoholic to which Im not even friends with her because she is either drunk, passed out drunk, drinking, headed to drink, speaking nonsense or buzzed and wont take help. 

    I share these with you to explain some love blossoms over years and marriages and other people involved, but that connection doesnt leave. Its all timing. 

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Forget relationships for now - it is obvious you are not ready.

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