Why should I be moving on ?

Question

I lost my partner to a sudden cardiac arrest in August. I found him and it was a traumatic experience. We had been together just over 10 years. I am now on my own and having to adapt to a new way of life. I had goals and ambitions but now I feel like I have no motivation or drive to keep going. I feel guilty for trying to move on. I haven’t been sleeping or eating properly and I feel I should just stop trying to act normal and give in to how I feel which is to give up on myself and on life. There’s no guarantees I’ll feel happy or loved again or that I will successfully fulfil things like learning to drive or studying for a new job. I turn 30 next month but I just feel I can’t do this.

Answer 1

I was widowed with 2 small children when I was 32.  There are periods of time when all I did was survive, nothing more and nothing less.  I lost 20 pounds the first month.  Life NEVER offers any guarantees.  The death of a spouse does not change that.

I didn't act "normal."  I acted like a grieving widow with 2 small children, children who needed ME to tell them that we would be okay, and I did just that.

Two years have gone by, and I feel like I am finally stable.

You don't drive and you don't work?  That's a problem.

Answer 2

You're grieving and you need grief counseling. It will not be a magic bullet that will suddenly make you feel fine, but it will put things in perspective and help you see that the way things have been is not the way things have to remain. That understanding is exactly what you need to be able to move forward, which is what you need to do without any guilt whatsoever.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

See a grief counselor.