Florine asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 3 months ago

Should I try to help this girl ?

The last time I was in school a couple of days ago, we were doing presentations in class.  I noticed that one of the girls presenting had cut marks on the front of her upper arm.  At first I wasn't sure, but it really looks like she was self harming, which is sad.  I never noticed them before, probably because she usually wears long sleeves or something.  She seems really quiet, but she has definitely smiled a couple of times during class.  However, I know that people who are depressed can pretend to be happy, when inside they are hurting.  I don't really know her that well, as she isn't in my friend group.  I've always tried to be extra nice when I know people are going through a time time or just seem sad, regardless of how well I know them.  It's important to always be kind.  I'm just wondering if I should say anything, and ask if she's doing okay?  But I also feel weird about asking her since we're not very close.  I don't want to make her uncomfortable or anything.  The marks were pretty visible even though at some points she did cross her arms right over the cuts.  

Maybe I should just let her friends support her, I don't know.  When I told one of my closest friends about this, she said the girl could have done this for attention but could actually be struggling, too.  

I'm just looking for advice for how to go about this. Thanks.

Update:

Thanks so much for the answers already! I think I'll approach her after we get back from break. Besides, if I don't do anything, I will likely really regret it if something bad were ever to happen. 

2 Answers

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  • Pyrus
    Lv 6
    3 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    The first big paragraph... Excellent! You should definitely help.

    The second small paragraph... A BIG FAT NO. Why? You already answered the question yourself. Her group of friends may just think that she's doing this for attention too. What do you think will happen to her then?? She'll end up hurting herself even more, to the point where she wants to self-harm on the inside too. 

    If you are going to help her, go about this SOLO! Do NOT include anyone else but yourself, because you know yourself and you know you are not going to judge her, and just want to help her out. You can't know this about anyone else, not even your closest of friends. Acquaint yourself with her, show some interest by making small, always greet her with a smile (ask her basic things, like how is she today, what's going on, hope that everything is good, etc.). I also suggest that you find something that she relates to and talk about that. At some point, (not from the first conversation that you have with her though), bring up the topic of the cuts on her arms. Appear as reluctant as possible, and approach her in a way that makes HER feel comfortable. Mention that "the other day", this happened randomly, but you just couldn't help but notice some marks (cuts) on her arms and wanted to know what had happened (maybe wounded herself, or something happened). And here is the hardest part. Assure to her that this remains between you two, without even mentioning it. In other words, make her feel like she can trust you with this without even mentioning something like "Oh don't worry, I won't tell this to anyone". For this, it's all about the tone of your voice and how you approach her. It's your body language. After all that, befriend her, make her feel like you are someone she can trust, and do NOT bring her up to other people! (her topic). Always remember that people can be judgmental and extremely insensitive. This is up to you.

    I hope it helps! :)

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    You should help her! Why do people always think other people are doing things for attention? Maybe she doesn't have any friends. So I suggest you should help her. Who knows? You might be really good friends after.

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