Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 3 months ago

Gfs perception of my actions?

A relationship is two different and independent people coming together. My gf and I have been dating for about a year. When things are good everything is great. However, when there is any type of conflict no matter how minor things seem to explode. She seems to perceive my actions, in the most negative way possible. For instance I was joking about not sharing some snack food. She got angry at me and called me selfish. She was talking to me about how something that happened to her made her angry at work. I listened to her, offered a little advice on what I do in those situations. She gets angry accuses me of not acknowledging her point and tells me that I am trying to be a savior. Sometime Ill offer advice on things I know a lot about and she believes I'm telling her I'm better than her. It seems like her perception of my actions, is just completely off and it sounds very ugly. At times, I have tried to do mental gymnastics to try and understand how anyone could think like that. Or find the logic in her statements. I am just left scratching my head until the next land mine blows. She has been slowly improving not getting so upset. I just dont know if this would ever be enough to be satisfied.

4 Answers

  • 3 months ago

    Your girlfriend is LOOKING FOR EMPATHY FROM YOU and she is not getting it.

    The ability to be empathetic is the ability to put yourself in HER SHOES TO SEE THE PROBLEM AS IT AFFECTS HER...and it's not just what YOU would do about it.

    So next time she has a problem, remain calm and ask her how she has decided to solve the problem herself.  If she has no solution, ask if you can offer some advice and discuss it.

    Because this is how people who care for each other relate to one another.

  • are you that lazy that you cannot type the words 'girlfriend'?

  • 3 months ago

    You might have had good advice for her. The question is, how did you offer it? Was it in the form of an imperative sentence (do this, do that)? Did it sound like you were giving her an order? I offer advice to people here daily. I prefer to tell people what experts say about psychological problems, but occasionally I offer my on advice. I never order people to do things, no matter how important it is. I never say, "Go to the doctor and ..." People hate to be given orders. 

    Someone came here with a problem. One answer began with the words, "You go to your counselor and ..." I thought, "You forgot to put 'stupid!' at the end of that sentence." The answer got two thumbs-down. Mine, which began with talking about other people who came here with a similar problem, was rated Best, 5 Stars.

    My father once said that when a stupid idea came up in a meeting, he never dismissed it as stupid. He asked for more information, like "How with this work if ..." 

    Do you see my point? I'm talking about discussion of an issue. In the course of a discussion, an idea of yours could come up, ("What if you were to ...").

    Maybe I have the wrong impression about this. If she just does not know how to get along with people. I can't help you.

    By the way, a best-seller for generations that I often mention - How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, a master of the art of diplomacy - with lots of good advice for business and personal relationships.

    "We should be polite to those we love." ~ Robert Heinlein 

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Here's an important Understanding Women fact: When she tells you something bad happened at work, that her friend is being annoying, that her mom is so demanding, that she hates her hair, etc., she is not asking you for tips or advice on how to fix the situation, or how you'd manage if it were you instead of her.

    She wants you to listen, empathize, and acknowledge her feelings. Unless she specifically asks, "What do you think I should do? What would you do?" then don't offer any advice.

    --*--*--*-->Stop acting like she wants you to fix it, or like you can.<--*--*--*--

    For the little jokes that turn into arguments, consider a few things before you make them. Are you maybe a little me-first or selfish? Then your intended joke about not sharing can come across as you making light of your unwillingness to share (that you didn't even mean) because you think such selfishness is okay. Same thing with you offering advice--which she doesn't want, remember--as if she had not already considered various courses of action. It makes you look like you think you know the situation better than the person who lived it.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.