Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Am I in the wrong or is my partner?

Me and my partner rent a house together, about 6 months back she decided to stay at her mums and essentially I'm pretty much living alone with our dog.

Me and my dog have a nightly routine and he's generally well behaved and follows my cues. 

When my partner stays over on the rare occasion, and on her terms when she feels like it (which could be once in a month, twice if I'm lucky) but she gets frustrated when I try to keep my dogs routine, he won't settle on a night unless he's cuddled up on the sofa for at least an hour with me. Generally I find this fine as I enjoy the company and I get pretty lonely. 

When my partner comes over she gets angry and says he shouldn't have to come up on the sofa, typically because she wants the entire sofa and a leg massage. He won't settle until he gets a cuddle on the sofa and that's our thing. 

I just feel a bit put back on whether I should change the routine so he isn't up with me on a night so that when she does decide to stay the night doesn't end with her going to bed upset.

Im also at a stand still as I feel that the relationship is becoming less worth keeping as there seems to be an issue with how I do things in general. 

I think I'm good partner, but I don't know if that's my own perspective? I'm there for her a lot but I feel as though I'm just 'there' in her eyes.. 

A lot of the time I don't feel as though effort is returned and our life as a couple revolves around how she feels and what she wants. Am I being unreasonable? 

Update:

The tenancy is also in her name and I pay all the rent (which is fair enough as she doesn't really stay here) so I don't really feel the house is mine to live in, the TV and bed are hers as well as some of the furniture. The sofa is hers but she has said I can have him up, I put a cover over the sofa and wash these frequently, and I'm buying us a new one in January as this one has a broken spring.

So I don't know what the issue is?

If she stayed more I'd put him into a new routine so he settles

Update 2:

Again, I would gladly put her first if she stayed more because I could establish a better routine. We had the dog before she left and he had a routine with her here that worked.

Dogs are very set in their routines. But I feel as if she doesn't want to put the effort in to help put him into a new routine, because she doesn't want to stay. 

I hardly think him being on the sofa for an hour, if that, is putting the dog first. 

Update 3:

Also for the comment on putting a domesticated animal before a human, I rehomed the dog I had because she didn't like the breed and her mum got involved.

In the end she wanted a German shepherd, we got one, and now she doesn't even live here. 

I put her before my dog I had for 6 years so I highly doubt that's the issue.

2 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Tell her that last point: that if she stayed more, you could work out a new routine with the dog.

    It's not fair to any of you to have her come in a couple of times a month at most, and disrupt your regular peaceful routine, that works for you and the dog both.

    But why does she live away from you if you're in a relationship? It certainly doesn't sound as if either of you feels particularly committed to it. Isn't it time for the relationship to step up a bit? Or - perhaps - come to a natural end?

  • ?
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Anybody that puts a domesticated animal before a human is wrong, period.

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