Would you believe it?

Question

My husband had a 7 month affair with a woman who he dated right before we started dating.At the time he got her pregnant and took her for an abortion.Now 29 yrs later I found out ( he didn’t tell me) that they were having an affair, He says it was only emotional, but no way do I believe him, would you?

Update:

To make this more clear it happened 8 yrs ago and no he has not been a good husband since- thus, why I’ve allowed myself to be hurt further and remain confused and depressed , I was hoping he would “ get it” meaning , understand he hasn’t done the work, but above all the fact that he may be living about the extent of the affair has kept me stuck, but really As someone put it , why would he think I’d be dumb enough to believe his BS, fact is , I don’t and I’m done- thanks for your awnsers

Answer 1

Favorite Answer

No, I wouldn't believe him. 

To hide an affair, either a physical or an emotional one, mean he had to be telling YOU a lot of lies to keep it going, to keep it hidden, so why trust that just now he is telling you the truth, and the whole truth of it? 

The fact that you had to "find out" about it, rather than him telling you, means he meant to keep it a secret, perhaps forever. 

BUT

How long ago was this affair and how has he been in the time between? Was that seven month affair recent or well in the past years? 

I know that either way this has to hurt, but the point is, was this in the early years of the marriage and he has been a good and loving husband ever since, then perhaps its worthwhile considering some couple's counseling to see if you can forgive and get past this event. 

If not, start the paperwork, as your marriage is already over. 

Or was this a more recent event, perhaps only ended when it came out, or is it not over yet? Has he said so, either way? 

If its not over - no more contact with this woman at ALL - then its probably over between you two as he values her and her feelings over yours. They cannot be "just friends", not after this. So don't let him tell you so. The ONLY reason to stay in touch is to keep the door open to it happening again - or more happening. 

He made his choices that show in the actions he took. Now its up to you to take action to be where you want to be. 

If its with him fight for your man, for your relationship. Again I'd suggest some counseling, to help you two sort out what happened an why. Not dealing with this, and the pain it has caused, means it can and will continue to haunt your relationship.

But its between you two and you two alone. If he can't give her up, he has made his choices, in a way. He is not fully committed to you, keeping his "options" open. You shouldn't feel you are competing with her for his love. Its unfair that he should do so. 

Ask him how he would feel if YOU had another man in the wings? Waiting to take center stage with you? Would that hurt him, his feelings? 

Answer 2

Since period of 29 years time has been passed and he is with u , no more with his ex, it is a abandoned and closed chapter . So , there is no reason to unbelieve on him . Do not spoil ur life on his old mistakes , forget that and look towards the future of ur kids if any and u too

Answer 3

It was obviously not emotional, it was sexual. DUHHH. He’s lying, and he’s dumb for even thinking you’d believe his BS 

Answer 4

You don't make clear just when they were having an affair. Recently? Before your marriage?

It's no good asking whether we who have no idea who he is, believe him if you who have known him intimately for thirty years don't know!

Answer 5

The other answer is already the best, but I'll tag on that it just being emotional (did you mean physical?) isn't better is it?  Have the last 29 years been good?  At some point it is so long ago, that dwelling on it probably isn't the best way to move forward together if that is what you are aiming for.

Answer 6

Yeah sounds legit. It was probably an emotional abortion. They were aborting their feelings, not the egg that your husband fertilized by pumping massive amounts of *** inside her