Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

Shocking birthday presents?

My son's grandmother (not related to me) never gets him anything except stickers once every 6 months.  Never gets him anything for Christmas or birthdays.  This birthday, she got him a V8 juice inside of a bag.  I I know she can afford things.  She always bought nice things for her oldest grandchild and children.  It seems like she doesn't care about mine (both kids).  She has no problem coming to my home uninvited and sitting on the computer for hours while I have to cater to her needs and listen to her crap.  Her husband is the same.  Never took them out even for ice cream or to the playground.  That goes for both of them.  They both have birthdays coming up, but I don't even know if I should invite them.  They are just going to come inside empty handed, eat our food, and leave.  Her kids don't even care.  They don't even call to tell my kids happy birthday or even send a card... that goes for all holidays.  What would you do if you were in my place?  Should I suck it up or cut them off?      


Btw, my parents are deceased.. so no grandparents on my side.  

Update 2:

It's their blood grandchild.  

3 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 6
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Not sure if I understand the dynamics here:  either these people are your husband's parents and therefore your son with your husband is directly related to them by blood OR you remarried and brought this boy along into your new husbands family (that is - the boy is not their biological grandson).

    Whilst I would not excuse these people under either scenario - one might understand how grandparents MIGHT have a harder time accepting a grandchild that is not their blood.

    The person you need to be talking to about his is your husband.  Either scenario - these people are related to HIM.  HE is the one that needs to put his foot down and set some rules.  

    No one can make these people love, acknowledge or give presents to your boy or force them to spend time with him.   You may just have to find a way to explain some cold realities of life to the boy.   Ensure him that it has nothing to do with him.

    As for them coming over to your house, eating your food and being trolls in your face:  YOU do have a say in that.  IF your hubby won't put his foot down and lay out the expectations of BASIC etiquette then it is up to you to do so.  Their general behavior when they are over is a separate issue of acknowledging your boy...... but I can guarantee that you put your foot down and demand minimum respect in your house - none of you will be seeing very much of them (including your son).

    Sorry you are going through this.  It is truly sad.   Hope this helps, even if just in some small way.

  • 2 months ago

    It might be a loss for your children, who have no other living grandparents, and who may be less concerned about material gifts than you appear to be. But, if you want to consider inviting them for their birthdays, xmas, or any other celebratory occasion when gifts are appropriate, you could include a request in a written invitation, asking them to bring one, and specify a list of things to choose from, since grandma apparently hasn't got a clue ,herself.  This goes for "her kids", as well. As for the upcoming birthdays, you could also specify that each person should bring a dish to share, rather than putting the burden all upon your own shoulders. And as for sitting on your computer "for hours", does she have her own? You could try temporarily disabling yours, and you don't have to sit and listen to "her crap", stay busy in another part of the house if you wish,or better still,try putting her to work instead! Invite her into the kitchen to help you get a meal ready, and be very insistent! Eventually, she may find visiting you "for hours" won't be as much "fun" as it used to be. Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    My solution to a similar problem is easy.  She doesn't come to my home.  She doesn't see my children.

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