Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

I don't feel free in my life. My parents still want to control my life.?

I come from a religious family (Islam) and theres so many problems going on. I'm 26 and I've never done anything with my life. All I do is go to work and than come back from work and live the same life everyday. I live in America and I do want to make friends, go out to bars and just experience life. I had boyfriends before that my parents rejected. I'm still not allowed to wear certain things. I still have to sneak out even though I'm a 26 year old adult woman. I'm not allowed to move out. They keep threatening me and telling me that they raised me and they're responsible for me. They even threatened me with taking my life if I ever disobey them. I'm extremely depressed and I feel like I'm going to be alone. They want to find a Muslim guy for me and I do not want to get married to someone they choose. I know hes gonna be an awful one if they choose him. My older siblings are married and are being abused sometimes but my parents are just happy that they're married. I do not want to be like them. I just want to live my life freely and find people that I want to date. What should I do? Should I run away somewhere else? I love my parents but I can't take it anymore

Update:

I tried to move out but both of them freaked out and started hitting themselves. They started hyperventilating so I felt bad and did not make efforts to leave the house. I'm scared of breaking their hearts. Moving out isnt allowedm

Update 2:

I am not dissing islam. But I do have doubts about it. I dont hate islam but I dont believe in it either. I want my own independence and happiness.

5 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Do you at least have your own bank account and access to your own personal documents? Do you have a car registered in your own name?

    Unfortunately you will have to run away. Because when your parents told you that they would kill you for disobedience they meant it. Your situation is different from Samantha's situation because you're Muslim. One day you will supposedly go to work, but that evening your parents will realise that you have left for good. You may need to leave some of your possessions behind.

    This will be difficult for you because you haven't ever lived as an adult before. You will have to cut off all ties with your family and probably change jobs and move to another city. In the current pandemic jobs are difficult to come by. You will probably have to move into a share house initially, as you won't be able to rent on your own.

    Most people get to transition into adulthood and independence. And they can still have contact with their parents from time to time. But you will just have to cut your family out of your life. And making whole new friends in your mid-20's isn't easy. Be careful with dating men, many will realise you're inexperienced and they will want to take advantage of you.

    If you try doing what @Samantha suggests you would do so by calling your parents' bluff. For instance one evening you just tell your parents that you're an adult and you're going out. But if your father beats you and you call the police on him, what then? You will just have to leave the house anyway, and without having made any preparations. You might as well just run away.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Save enough money, and move out, but do not tell them, that you are going. Do NOT tell them where you are, they will be at your door in a heartbeat, trying to run your life, or drag you home. Move to a new city, or even a new state.

  • 2 months ago

    I agree with @Will

    If you aren't some troll making up a story, I've had very similar experiences. I was brought up in an Islamic household as well. I was not allowed to do many things and I was ripped of my freedom and forced off into marriage at 18. After a year of suffering in that marriage, I just left and vanished. I've never seen my parents since and I'm 24 years old now. I'm living the way I want, not the way anyone else wants. This life is gonna be a long miserable one if you spend it being unhappy. I think you should pack your things and run off and do what you want in your life. Or else you will end up like I did when I was 18. Good luck with everything.

  • Will
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If this isn't just some troll dissing Islam, what you said is what's wrong with your religion. If you stand by it, you pretty much have no right to complain. If you don't believe this is right, you might as well abandon your religion and declare independence from your parents. If you declare yourself no longer a Muslim and they continue to enforce the practices on you, you can make a legal issue over it. Especially if they hold you captive in the house against your will and are threatening to punish/kill you in the name of Islam. That right there will turn into holding you hostage and homicide because you no longer practice the religion and are an adult with rights. They want to punish with death and you are afraid of breaking their hearts. 

    Just remember, you can never live a free life as a female Muslim. You have no freedom and are to do as the men tell you. I think even Christianity is dumb, so don't think this is meant as hatred towards Islam. But haven't you ever wondered why a god would want you to live the way females do under Islam? How could a caring god want that?

    The comment about being a troll dissing Islam was because I wasn't sure if this was serious or not. Since I'm assuming you didn't actually know what I meant by "troll" I take it as this is in fact a sincere post. If you don't know where to start for planning change, I'd be willing to give you advice. I'm the same age, so I could give advice relevant to your current stage in life and what to do. 

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  • 2 months ago

    A lot of parents control their kids life. I am 38, and my parents still want to try to control my life. Do I let them? No. Thats the key. Do not anyone to control you, or your life choices. Maybe discuss how you feel to them. Dont place blame. But say this is how I feel when.. Maybe you should consider finding your own place. As for running away? No. Never run from a problem. It will only get worse.

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