Anonymous

Getting over a toxic relationship of 8 years? Depressed ?

I’ve been with my partner for the past 8 years. We met in 2012. And my life changed for good. I fell in love fast and a couple months into it I began seeing red flags. The little odd comment here and there which in my eyes seemed disrespectful. He’s claim he’s single,stay out clubbing all hours. I kept forgiving & it got worse. He met a girl off Instagram and flew out to see her just after I gave birth to our son. We have 1 son who’s 6. And things got much much worse to the point I felt I couldn’t do anything about it & just stayed. Thousands of arguments and 8 years later I finally packed my bags last week and returned back to my mums. I was living in London & moved back 4 hours away by car to wales. Lucky we are far apart but it still hurts. We were renting and have to give a months notice and he’s still living at my place for now. I am beyond depressed. I miss him like crazy. I want him back & Idk why because he hurt me. I am also to blame because I accused him over everything, the trust had gone. Even when he wasn’t lying I’d doubt him. 

I found out last week he had a second phone at his work place and that did it for me. I didn’t go through it as I couldn’t but hiding it was the end. Now I regret leaving but he is refusing to talk to me. I’m stalking his social media and he’s posting selfie’s, liking girls pictures, he’s calling our son on his iPad every morning but seems so happy and I’m so run down.

I can’t function I’m crying everyday. How do I get over this :-( 

Update:

There is soo much more to it. It’s unbelievable what I have been through. I miss him so much I really want to speak with him and beg him back but I don’t know why I’ve done nothing wrong. Yet he’s making out ive messed up and destroyed everything and i am so hurt. My son is happy we have moved back to Wales even though Monday I have to contact his school in London to say he’s not coming back and that kills me because it’s final. I have spoke to him but he’s begging me to leave him alone :( 

4 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    I want you to read back what you've typed, specifically the updated part.

    "My son is happy we have moved back to Wales"

    A child will NEVER want his mother and father to split up unless there was something seriously wrong in that relationship. So if you needed any justification for the decision you took, that alone is justification right there.

    I am going to take the next year as an example of what is likely to happen next. You will learn to stay strong because you have to for your son, and the stronger you get, the less you will care what he gets up to. BUT, where as in this next year you will get stronger and it sinks in that you have done the right thing, he will get weaker and realise he has done all the wrong things.

    I guarantee you in one year's time he will be begging for you to take him back, and you will have taken the slow path to getting over him but will have done so completely. You will have gotten your life back on track, and you will have gotten stronger and devoid of the need to be with him.

    You just need to take the time to realise you did the right thing for your son and for yourself cwtsh

  • 4 weeks ago

    So you went ahead and had a child with him even though the red flags were there after a few months. He is living like a single man and he's perfectly happy you're gone so now he can really be a single a man! You've caught him out at **** but you still want to beg him to come back and you think it's all your fault because you accused him even when he wasn't lying! LOL If he's begging you to leave him alone, leave him alone. He doesn't want you but you better make sure he pays for his son so maybe go and see a solicitor ASAP If you're not a troll (and I have my suspicions) you should try and have some self-respect. If you're raising a male child maybe you shouldn't bring him up to think all women are a pathetic doormats.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    Block him, get him 100% out of your life. He is no good, you know it!  He will never change, oh, he may look like he changed, he will just be more careful not to get caught by you. Have respect for yourself, since he has none for you.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    I'd like to shake your hand, only it's going to turn into a hug because you have done the absolutely best thing for yourself and your son. This is an excellent start to what can still be a good life for you, a happy life, a life in which your son grows up seeing his mother can be happy and that neither she nor he himself really needs his father.

    Of course you're upset and depressed. Everything's different. A long relationship is over. Your life is in upheaval. You don't have the amount of control you want or need.  You're probably relying on others at a level you don't like.

    But please, for your son, do not contact this man. He's done so many things that prove he neither loves nor respects you that he does not deserve a place in your life or your heart.

    Find ways to keep busy. Be the best parent you can. Refuse to think about him, and start planning for a great life free from the misery and hurt that's his trademark.

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