Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

I hate my boyfriend's hobby...?

I am F(21) and my boyfriend (23) loves fishing, to the point where he will even take days off his part-time job to fish. He spends an average of $100.00/week on fishing supplies/gear, which is a lot considering he makes around minimum wage and he is planning on buying a truck (he has already asked me to help him with his payments when the times comes).

Instead of spending time with me, he fishes every day talking about how it's the perfect "moon phase" to catch fish. Each time we are with friends or alone, he always finds a way to bring up fishing and the most recent fish he caught. He sometimes asks me to come fishing with him, but it is not particularly my cup of tea, especially when it is windy and 40 degrees outside. He practically lives on the river! Instead, he comes over after he is doing fishing (around 10 pm) and spends the night to "relax" with me, which is getting annoying.I do support his hobby, but at times he prioritizes it much more than our relationship. I feel as I am the one putting effort and paying for an expensive lunch/dinner. Most of the time he asks for me to pay him back after getting McDonald's. I can't even remember the last time he surprised me or spent time planning a real date that didn't involve camping by the river in 30 degrees weather just to wake up and fish all day.

I do think that he is the man for me (very strong connection), and I have talked to him about the relationship and his time/money consuming hobby. He doesn't agree. Any ideas? 

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  • 1 month ago

    Any relationship I have noticed where the man is always hunting or fishing, means the spouse is being neglected. I am sure there may be an exception to that, but I haven't witnessed it.

  • 1 month ago

    You described my parents' marriage to a T. My dad loved to fish. AFTER THE DIVORCE, that's all he did--and was a happy man. My mother never forgave him.  She remained bitter about it to the end. 

    Listen--get YOUR priorities in order. If you actually love this man, you should love ALL OF HIM. That means his fishing too. But it doesn't seem like you do. And he's tapping your resources to help him financially--which is going to be a further strain on you. I don't think you are ultimately compatible. Save yourself the hassle, the strain and the heartbreak now--and move on to someone who does not consider fishing the ultimate activity. Because it is never going to be YOU--it will be fishing forever. Trust me here. (Also--stop giving him money!!  At least with my dad, he paid for everything himself and never asked my mom for anything.)

    Either you accept him as he is, and support this, or you DON'T.  There's really no way to change him, or change the situation--you have to change yourself.  

  • 1 month ago

    I dont get this is he an idiot? To me life is about making love and making money, why does he waste his time fishing if he could be home nailing you? Do you support him and pay the bills?  If so maybe he is just using you as a meal ticket.  Do you just yell at him all the time and such not giving it up?  Maybe he's really going to see another woman.  This doesn't make sense to me its a complete waste of time.  I guess you should just get a boyfriend and keep busy while he's out fishing or just dump him.

  • 1 month ago

    if you have issues  now  with his hobby  when your  love is new .......

    there is no chance of  staying together ..

    you cant dictate  to him what hobby he has..

    but at the same time you can say that its not working as a couple as he spends all his time fishing and that if  he dont arrive at 7pm to see you  dont bother coming over as  10 pm is too late... .....

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  • 1 month ago

    you sure he is the one for you?

    Somehow I feel that this relationship won't last too long (sorry that I am being frank here) I don't understand the good thing about fishing since it is also not my cup of tea, infact I find it boring.

    and a guy who often lean on a girl to pay for expensive meals is just off putting. 

    I believe relationship is a partnership both parties can't take advantage of each other.

    you seem to have invest more emotions and energy in this relationship than him. he is like taking advantage of you.

  • 1 month ago

    Nothing wrong with having a hobby and being passionate about something. But if he's spending $400 a month while making minimum wage and expecting you to help pay for his truck, he needs a reality check. 

    But aside from the financial stuff, there's the emotional stuff. Fishing is obviously a big deal to him. Maybe it helps keep him in a good mood, alleviates anxiety, makes him feel closer to god, reminds him of his grandpa or something. You claim to have a strong connection, yet you don't sound connected to this huge part of who he is. 

    You say you've talked to him and he "doesn't agree." What exactly doesn't he agree with? He might disagree that he spends too much time fishing - to him, it's exactly the right amount of time. But he doesn't get to disagree that you have feelings of neglect and frustration, and that you have your own interests and needs. 

    He might prefer to be on the river than in an expensive restaurant, but if he wants to continue having a relationship with you, then he should support your interests as much as he expects you to support his. You both deserve to be happy but people aren't usually happy when they have to give up the things that make them who they are. Which might be why you're not sounding too happy right now. 

    As much as you love him, it doesn't sound like you want to spend the rest of your life listening to fish stories, camping in cold weather, and spending all of your money on trucks, boats and fishing supplies. So you need to decide whether he's worth it. You're probably not going to change him much. You might get him to spend a little more time with you, but you're not going to change his personality, his passions, his values, and the life he wants to live on the river. Not in the long run.

  • 1 month ago

    Text him that you want to have him over and send a pic of your bra strap. When he sees it he will think you are wearing lingerie and come right over. Wear a fish costume and when he sees you in it he will get the message. 

  • ron h
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    accept the fishing but very few part-time jobs will pay living expenses.  He's told you that he's GOT to improve his income--he told you that when he asked you to help buy him a truck.  I'd emphasize the lack of money and not worry about the fishing. One thing is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL: No babies with this man until the two of you can afford one.  

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Sounds like a man who doesn’t cheat or spend all day looking at p0rn. Also sounds like you don’t like him at all really, or starting to find ways to exit the relationship. I think you know what you really want to do.. just keep adding to the list of cons I’m sure you’ll find more ways to be disappointed. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Fishing is great 🎣🎣🎣🎏🎏🎏🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟:)

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