What is wrong with my mom?
My mom told me growing up how evil my dad was and how evil my aunty was (her sister) and how they both cheated with each other and that was the reason why my dad and mom are divorced. She told me to stay away from them and to only trust her. She took me and my little brother and fled to a different city. This was years ago. Me and my little brother are considerably older now and now whenever we try to do things appropriate for our age like going out with friends, playing games and being mischievous she would call us spoiled and blame her illnesses and literally everything on us. The people who she used to call "evil" are now on her quick dial and would always try to call my dad and aunty to try to "lecture " us. This shattered my whole perspective because back when I was still a kid she told us to NEVER contact them and now that she has nobody to talk to she called them to lecture us.. it feels sickening because I know something is wrong with her but I don't know how to explain it. It makes me nauseous when I think about it because potentially my mom might have mental illnesses or possibly something worse.. Growing up we were raised away from every family member including our very one half brothers and even from her family and my dad family side. She would never let us have close friends unless she saw them first and judged them on how they appeared. I never could being friends over and she was probably right as to do this. However, something just never felt right about her
My dad and my aunty are not the only ones who she tells us are "evil". She told me and my little brother that our older half brothers don't love us and to stay away from them. But as she grows older she has given them more Lee way to her life and are becoming more dependent on them. I used to tell my older brothers that they are bad people and how they "don't love mom" when in reality I never felt this way.. it was like my mom was controlling what I say to them. She told me to say things to them
to make then sad and hate us. Now that they hate us my mom falls back on them and make me and my little brother look like the bad guys. She told all the bad things I would say about our older bros to my older bros and say she never told us to say any of those things when she did.. now my brothers hate us and try to manipulate our lives like how mom used to do to us. It's like finally my brothers feel love from her and try to throw us out like a step dad or something.
It makes me want to kill myself when I think about this because it feels horrifying.. was I raised by a psychopath? Sociopath? Narcissist?both? Potentially all three? Growing up I felt so different from everybody else. I never felt what my friends felt and would always seem the odd ball out. I couldn't have a girlfriend because how scared I was. My mom wouldn't allow it..
I always tried to be that A+ student. But even when I didn't get A+ I never felt appropriate to my teachers. It felt.. off. I see all these people who my mom call "bad" succeed in life. People who looked like "gangsters " got scholarship deals. Maintained healthy relationship with life people like their family.. they would have earrings and tattoos but love their parents and family. I would soon start to see differences in how we lived and how they did..
In the above paragraph I meant to say "But even when I did get an A+ I never felt appropriate to my teachers" instead of "But even when i didnt get an A+ i never felt appropriate to my teachers".
And the reason i said this was because my teachers loved working with even student who had F or was failing their class because they liked them. I could always get an A+ but that's not what I really wanted. I wanted to have that type of life with my teachers. That even if I was failing in their class I could still talk to them about it. I envy how people like this could exist
I am still missing this crucial component to get passed life without hesitating. I cant socialize. Express how I feel.
- PearlLv 71 month ago
maybe you should ask your mother this question
- T JLv 61 month ago
She has mental problems and she hurt you, your entire life. No get her out of your life, try to forget all the garbage she fed you. If you want to connect with family, try to reach out, maybe start with your father, half brother.