Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Is there a double standard in my marriage involving my wife’s family?

I think I know the answer to this question, but I need perspective. My perception is that my wife’s family is free to do anything they want when it comes to interacting with my wife, my kids, and me. I get that my wife’s parents, otherwise know as Grandma and Grandpa, have some Grandma and Grandpa privileges. That is a perk of the job. But  my perception of my wife’s brothers and sisters and their respective spouses is that they think they can do anything they want involving our family. For instance one of the sibling’s wives said that it is her right as an aunt to do whatever she wants to do with her nieces and nephews. My wife’s sister makes all kinds of grand pronouncements and attempts to run everyone else’s life and tries to schedule everyone’s life. She is controlling. My wife’s younger brother offers offers all kinds of advice in a continuous stream. When I bring up their behavior to my wife, my wife says “well that is just them. That is who they are.” I am not accorded that luxury when I mention to my wife some of the things they do that I don’t like and my opinions on what they are doing and my wife tells me to say nothing to her family. I also feel like I am on a short leash when I am with her family. They can do and say anything, but I feel like if I even blink the wrong way around her family  I am in trouble. I see a double standard. Am I wrong?

5 Answers

  • a
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well, the incessant advice-giving would be annoying. You don't have to take that advice. In my experience, the less I interrupt someone like that, or contradict them, the quicker they finish.

    Auntie is a little more problematic, but "No" is a complete sentence. It would be easier to offer something if you had given a specific example. Aside from "No" I've also said, "I'm sorry, that's just not possible." Giving someone *specific objections* prompts them to come up with specific remedies, so don't do that.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    How is this...It is no ones rights, other than you and your wife. You need to move far away from the entire family. You keep at your wife, refuse to have them at your home and refuse to see them, tell her its her choice and the kids stay with you.  Time to stand up and use those two things between your legs.

  • 4 weeks ago

    My husband has stood his ground a few times. It's added to his value in the family structure. We both have long held that we will do nothing to destroy each other's family or their status in their families and we both have worked hard for decades to be full fled members of OUR families. I'm a member of his family. He is a member of my family. Only way for us. 

  • Kelley
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    You need to speak to your family members if they are behaving unrighteously.  They might change.  If they don't change you will have to seek Christian family counseling together.  If they still don't change you will have to seperate yourself from the unrighteous family member or members.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Do your wife's siblings have their own children, I wonder? I suspect not, but if they do you can, of course, offer your own advice! Probably better not though  - or else make a deal that you will not put your oar in if they don't!

    The thing is,you and your wife are legally and morally responsible for your children, not any aunts or uncles. It is "kind" of them to offer their advice, but they are your children and you are the responsible for them, and you are certainly under no obligation to do as anyone else suggests. Don't walk on eggshells! That would be to put them on pedestals. Smile nicely, say that you'll consider it and then discuss the various options with your wife. 

    Good Luck!

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