Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

My boyfriend is too dependent on his parents ? ?

My boyfriend is 24, doesn’t work, has no credit score and his parents give him money for everything. He is also a mommas boy, he rarely helps around the house and his mom always makes him meals. My boyfriend also has a distorted view of money. Not only because his patents give him a lot when he asks but they buy him expensive things. Such as 800 dollar shoes.....Besides these things he is an amazing person and it’s the best relationship I’ve had. He is graduating as a chemical engineer this December. I’m hoping if I push him enough he will becoming more independent. I’ve seen improvements! His mom recently left for a job that will last a couple of months and he started to learn how to cook for himself. However, it does bother me that he says that if he needs to buy more groceries to cook his parents will just give him more money. And I’m hoping he finds a job after graduating too. I am a very independent person myself. I’m 23...graduating as a registered nurse in December, have a great credit score and pay for my own things with my job. My boyfriend is a great guy and I do want to give him time to change. However, I want to move out soon and move towards settling down. I’m scared that he won’t be on the right track with me in the future. But like I said he is barely graduating and I’m just seeing how things go from there. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    If he's gotten used to his parents supporting him, then I don't think a high paying job will change much.  He needs to learn how to manage money.  I also suspect that he will expect you to cater to his needs on the same level that his parents did  If you love him, don't marry him right off.  You may find yourself trapped with a manchild.  Stay with him for a while and refuse to do what his parents did.  He will either grow up or move back with them.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    All I can say to you, is that you seem like the nag! What is wrong with a momma's boys it shows he has care towards family, if you have issues, with him date a drug dealer, that is independent, not mother loving! I am a RN too and 23 years old, my husband is 25 he is a paralegal, he is VERY close to his mom he calls everyday, she buys him expensive things too, she is HIS mom, and I think your issue is, that you are jealous of his relationship with his mom, her spoiling him, making him meals, (how do you know he may help when your not there, are you a mind reader NO!) And if you think he is a great guy you wouldn't be on here knocking him down to strangers, that is low. You would have a one on one talk WITH HIM, not STRANGERS! I know some people that has no credit score that is early 30s (my brother), and he lives on his own pays bills, credit helps ALOT, but doesn't make the person! So do him a favor and move on to someone else, he can find better, than someone who wants to nag and knock him down to strangers!

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    am a very independent person myself..... Really???  In another recent post you also say you live with your parents and on top of that daddy won't let you, an allegedly independent woman, go on holiday with your boyfriend!

  • Chanel
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    He has a loving mother which is good but she is ruining him by everything she does and the money he gets from his dad.

    They are doing him no favors cos later on in life nobody will treat him as well as his parents.

    See how things go and hint about him doing stuff in the house for his mother. Say she must be exhausted.

    If he continues not to pay his way then it is better for you to move  on.

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  • 1 month ago

    Presumably, he is still a ft student? So yes, he's lucky that his parents shell out for him, but is he, or they. expecting this to continue after he graduates and gets a job? THAT'S the time you should be looking at how he is planning his future, not now. You sound a little judgemental.... actually, a bit of a shrew.  His lifestyle, his money plans are HIS business, not yours. Yes, he may get a shock when the real world comes knocking, but that is not for you to dictate. If you don't like his attitude, then you can nag him to death, when he'll dump you, or wait and treat him like a grown up and wait and see what happens.  If nothing changes, and you can't live with it, then move on. 

  • 1 month ago

    Right, you see the situation clearly. If you tie yourself to him for life, you understand that this is who he is and accept that you will be the adult in the relationship. 

    Money disagreements are a huge factor in marital break ups. It's up to you if you want to accept someone you know is financially irresponsible as your husband. 

  • 1 month ago

    You are both young.  Move out and become independent yourself first.  Do your own thing.  It'll be hard for you at first because it's a complete change of life.  Don't immediately move in with him because he'll automatically expect you to take over where momma left off so he won't become independent - he'll lean on you.  Let him move out separately and become independent too before you finally get together.  You have loads of years ahead of you.  Seeing how things pan out is a sensible idea.

  • 1 month ago

    honestly, i hate it when people write answers like 'you need to change him and help him' ummm no, we were not put on this earth to be forced to go try and change some bum. your bf does seem sweet and like he does care about you, hes just very very very immature. i would give it some time, see if he settles down and is able to hold a job. if not? let momma support him for the rest of his life. it shouldnt be expected of you to be the only one who has a job and has to do all the work in the relationship. the concerning part is his age, as he is so used to having everything done for him, he may never want to change.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Good luck to you, with your BF you will need it.  He will be looking for you to replace mommy and his daddy, and pay all the bills. Will he even work? Will he piss the pay away. He needs a butt wiper, will it be you?  You are in for a lifetime of busting your butt for him, will you be happy?  

    " I’m hoping he finds a job after graduating"..... your words.........good luck

    You see a problem, why keep it going?

    "I’m scared that he won’t be on the right track with me in the future".    Well, you see it!   Time to move on, without a useless guy.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I think helping him improve in becoming independent is the correct strategy. However, you need to be subtle when doing this or you risk offending him. At this stage, I would handle this situation on your own; I wouldn't involve his parents of he may feel that you are trying to control him. My advice would be to use positive reinforcement to boost his self-confidence and encourage him to further his independence. Basically, whenever he shows initiative in fending for himself you praise him or show your appreciation somehow. This is more effective than critiquing him as he will have a more positive outlook from the onset. On the contrary, if you were to critique him then he may feel threatened and withdraw himself. What you will notice is that the more he learns to manage himself, the more life skills he will pick up. As he develops more skills, his desire to further his knowledge will increase until he is at the same level as most of society. I really hope this helps :)

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