What is trauma bonding ?

I heard it's more addictive than drugs 

I was with a narcasisst and she abused me

What causes it

2 Answers

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between non-romantic people, family members, friends and colleagues. The abuser will condition someone into believing that these toxic behaviors are normal. As the bonding deepens, the person being abused will feel more and more like they need validation from the abuser, giving the abuser more power and leading to further manipulation.

    Trauma bonding occurs as a result of reinforcement at the hands of the abuser.

    The manipulative person will alternate abuse with really positive experiences which leads to the development of a trauma bond. Over time, the trauma bonding will strengthen, making it more and more difficult for a person to recognize clear signs of emotional or physical abuse. The abuser will positively reinforce certain behaviors, basically training someone to stay and continue to give their love to them.

    Sometimes, a person may be fully aware that they are with a toxic person, but they are so conditioned to continue forgiving them that it can be nearly impossible to finally leave, causing them to feel stuck.

    Common Risk Factors

    While trauma bonding can happen to anyone, there are some common risk factors that can make it more likely for a person. These include:

    Poor mental health

    Low self-esteem

    Financial difficulties

    No support system

    Past trauma

    History of being bullied

    Lack of personal identity

    These risk factors make it more difficult to recognize signs of toxicity and can also make a person more susceptible to manipulation.

    Feeling Indebted to the Abuser

    An abuser always wants to be in control, and one way to do that is to make someone feel as though they are always indebted to the abuser. This can come in many forms such as domestic violence or emotional abuse but they all have the same effect which is the person being abused will feel bad for not making up for the indebtedness they feel. For example, if you made a mistake early in the relationship that hurt your partner, they might hold that over your head for months to make you feel bad and like you need to make it up to them. They can make you feel terrible about even the smallest of things, and condition you to feel ashamed for past behaviors.

    Covering Negative Emotions

    Negative emotions are prevalent in people who are being abused, but they don’t want anyone around them to notice. They especially don’t want their abuser to notice their emotions because that often leads to the abuser playing victim and making the partner feel guilty for how they feel. If you find yourself hiding your negative emotions and only letting them out when you’re completely alone, that can often be a big red flag that you are experiencing trauma bonding.

    Playing Multiple Roles for the Abuser

    If you find that you are “wearing several hats” for your abuser, meaning you play a number of roles for them, that can be a red flag. For example, they might look to you to be their lover, best friend, parent, therapist, teacher, babysitter, etc. By taking on all of these roles, you are being taken advantage of and developing an even stronger trauma bond because you feel like you need to be all of these things to the abuser. It also leads to a weakened identity, making it more difficult to recognize negative changes in yourself.

    Don’t Let Trauma Bonding Control Your Life

    Traumatic bonding can have a terrible effect on not only yourself but also on other relationships you have with family and friends. By understanding what trauma bonding is, who is most at risk of doing it, and what the common signs are, you can recognize red flags and protect yourself from abusive partners and abusive people moving forward. If you think you are experiencing trauma bonding, it’s important to seek help so you can safely move forward with your life.

  • 4 weeks ago

    @Billy and his narcissistic abusive ex. She doesn’t know what’s good for her man. 

    You should just look forward, you’re better off without that. 

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