Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Leaving my wife to get a point across. Will it work? ?

I want to get a point across to my wife that I don't feel loved or appreciated by her. A friend has suggested I just leave for work and don't go home and disappear for a few months in order to get her to 'wake-up'. Would this work? She is busy taking care of her mother, who is ill, but I don't feel appreciated.  

25 Answers

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    No, it won't work. Leaving and coming back like that is poor communication and just a malicious mind game. Don't expect her to take you back after doing that.

    A better option: The next time your wife takes care of her mother, go with her! Make it a date and a visiting nurse call at the same time. Order your wife's favorite take-out or whatever guilty pleasure she likes. Connect and she'll love and appreciate you. 

    It sounds like her time and duties are overwhelming her now. Taking care of a sick relative is draining. She needs a hug, not an abandonment. (Unless there are other things going on you haven't mentioned.)

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You sound selfish in a way. Despite her being your wife, it doesn't mean she can not care for her mother. Maybe you should communicate with her that you don't feel appreciated, I'm sure she may understand as long as you are openly honest. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Hell no. That's a terrible idea. 

    Don't do counselling as that's a scam.

     If she won't give you the love or appreciation you feel you deserve you need to do 2 things.

     1. Think about your expectations vs reality. Are you expecting decent human love and appreciation within the limits of a real relationship or are you expecting to be put first no matter what? 

    2. Sit her down and calmly talk to her. Explain your needs and desires. Explain that the relationship cannot continue if this is how it's going to be. If you need to then you can calmly pack a bag, without threatening to leave. Let her know that you WILL walk if both of your needs aren't being met. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    It will work; she'll have the sense to leave you and look after her poor mother more. 

    What's to appreciate?!

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  • 4 weeks ago

    If you left your wife for a couple of months to teach her a lesson, she could teach you a lesson when you decide to return and the locks have been changed. And, it's a lesson that an idiot like you deserves. 

  • david
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago


  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If your goal is to end your marriage your strategy is a good one. If your goal is to improve your marriage your plan is horrible. If my husband went to work and didn’t come home, if he didn’t communicate with me about it I’d probably report him as a missing person. If he then told me he wasn’t coming home because he didn’t feel I was giving him enough attention while I care for my I’ll mother, I’d probably tell him that he could pick up his things and they would be on the front porch. I’d move all money from our joint accounts, change the locks, and retain the best divorce attorney I could afford.

  • 4 weeks ago

    I don't know the situation with your mother-in-law; if she lives with you or your wife leaves the house. I think it's a good idea to seek relief from an established community organization.

    How are you showing your wife that she is appreciated and missed. Are you making her feel needed by you emotionally?  Are you taking care of her needs: time away from her mother's care, intimate outings together. 

    Start treating her like you did when you were first dating. It's a good thing to star over in order to get those good feelings back.

  • David
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    Well, your friend likely knows the situation a lot better than anyone here on YA does.  However, leaving for a few months is pretty drastic.  

    If you take that course of action (leaving for a few months, disappearing) you can expect one of two things to happen:

    1)  Your wife will wake up and realize that her neglecting her husband and marriage is driving you away.    (OR)

    2)  More likely, your wife will just file for divorce.

    So it will either save your marriage or ruin it.  It will definitely prompt her to take action, though.  It's just a matter of, can you live with the consequences of her decision, whatever that is?

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Why don’t you feel appreciated? What is she lacking? Are you wanting intimacy? Togetherness? Communication? Quality time? Find out why you’re feeling unappreciated and then maybe have an honest talk with her before being so dramatic. She seems busy and you seem avoidant. She can’t read your mind. Just talk to her and be honest. Don’t run away 

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