Bf promises marriage, am I being foolish?

Hello everyone,

 I am now 6 months pregnant and my bf and I have discussed marriage. He is American and I am danish, I can to America at 15, so I grew up with a different entire culture. He says he wants to marry me and really wants our baby to have his last name. But in my culture if not married the child always goes with the mom and would take my last name. Also I’m religious and family is important to me. While he isn’t religious but family is important to him. He’s pretty set on wanting baby to have his last name but who legally has final say? Also he says for me to just let our baby take his name and we will eventually get marines. But now he says he will marry me before the baby is here but no actions yet. Is he just toying with me? Also some back story he’s the one that stays at home taking care of our the house, homemaker, and caring for our gsp puppy. While i am the one that goes to work and handles the finances. Any advice? 

Update:

I’m am dead set on giving my baby my last name, especially if legally I’m the one that has custody, if we’re not married then. Mind you we both live each other very much and are happy together. Except this is a big issue for me the closer I get to my due date, I can’t help the way I feel. We both want our baby and our family, just different opinions?

18 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    If you have no trust and faith in him you are foolish if you believe him.

  • 4 weeks ago

    If he hasn't married you by the time the baby is born, give it your last name but put him down as the father on the birth certificate.

  • a
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    Lots of women in America keep their own last names when they marry. Lots of unmarried mothers give their babies their last name. Dr. Laura Schlessinger gave her son her (And her father's) last name, rather than her husband's. (I think her father didn't have any sons to carry on the name.)

    And I know a couple people who changed their last names as adults. The reasoning was, "my father never married my mother, or had much to do with raising me. I'm taking my mother's last name because she did all the work."

    If you're happy being the breadwinner, and you make enough to support the three of you, fine. I had a neighbor who stayed home and was supported by her husband's income alone when her children were very small. Between wear and tear on her vehicle, car insurance, work clothes, *day care* and take out dinners because she and her husband to too exhausted to cook, it didn't make sense to stay at the job she had at the time. The child will create greater expenses as he gets older, but maybe your income will be enough. 

    You get to decide on baby's name. Honestly, if boyfriend wants to have more input into his child's life, the way to do that is marry his baby's mother.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Hi Callie, the one answer you've given so far tells me you're a strong-minded and self-reliant mother to be in the future. So, how about taking some of your own advice by not budging from your own cultural upbringing as invariably this guy appears to be all mouth and very little action regarding anything other than his own wishes. Sorry to stereotype your bf but Americans are historically known for their own countries cultural heritages despite it being one of murdering and killing American Indians and stealing their land and now prosper within what they now call living the American dream! So, all other cultures that arrive and settle there now have to abide by their ways or forever be the butt of ridicule for coming from a culture that they believe to be very much backward compared to theirs. As far as appearing to hold dear to family values and their importance never has a country been so indoctrinated to their own self-importance that even gives new meaning to the term cultural obsession, hence, leaving no room for other cultures other than their own. So, please hold dear to your own cultural heritage so as not to be railroaded into giving up your rights as a mother that will clearly favour him "should God forbid" you guys break-up over this dilemma that should have been an important topic of conversation way back then. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    You have all the power as far as baby's name goes, thats how it works in the United States.  "Create" the babies name while you are in hospital, after you give birth. You can put the his/her name however you would like, and if boyfriend has a problem with that then you can have him escorted out. The nurses will be on your side. 

    Do not give into boyfriend. Tell him to stop being a power/control freak about the baby's last name especially since you aren't married and you're the mother. 

    And, yes, it sounds like your boyfriend is all talk and no plan. Somebody also answered that in the US we give our baby's their fathers name. That is NOT true. You can name the baby whatever you want. You can even give the baby both of your last names. If you want! 

  • 4 weeks ago

    You should only marry him if you think it is right, not because of the name issue. 

    It seems selfish to only want the baby to have your last name. If you love each other, like you say you do, then why not marry him and take his last name? 

    Is your name that much better than his? 

  • 4 weeks ago

    IN USA THE CHILD GETS THE FATHER's name...that is how it works in USA..

  • 4 weeks ago

    Put your name on the birth certificate. Wanting to marry you is not the same thing as marrying you.  Your culture is actually much like his culture too! In the USA, a single woman giving birth designates the name of her child. That includes the last name too. It's not hard to have it changed later if you two ever wed. But, if you aren't wed, it's much easier all around for you to have the same last name as your child. You have both put your cards on the table. No need to keep discussing it. You either leave the hospital a wed woman or you won't. If you don't, give your child your name.  

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    If you get married, you would be thinking of what's best for the baby, so I do hope that you are able to get married. If you want the child to have your last name too, then why not name the baby with both of your names, there are a few ways that you could do that, for example use your last name as a middle name for the baby, and your boy friend's last name as a last name for the baby? My cousin was named that way with both of his parents names, but his was a little different. His mother felt strongly about keeping her name with the children, so he had both last names, but his mom's was not his legal last name, his dad's was, so that meant that he and I had the same legal last name, but he always added his moms last name in his correspondence, like a title such as "Jr." is used. So, her last name was hyphenated at the end of his father's

    I hope that you are able to have a happy family. I am posting the link to a wonderful family happiness workbook that I hope helps you. 

     https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=1102014...

  • mokrie
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You were foolish to spread your legs open before getting married. It's all downhill after that. 

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