Need Advice. During arguments/disagreements husband will always bring up “breaking up” or say “well why do you even live here?”?

My husband and I have what I think is an okay relationship? But anytime we get in a slight argument or especially if I’m upset about something it excels so fast. He’ll say “I’m being too sensitive” when I’m just trying to explain how I’m feeling. I have expressed that I need help around the house and it would be great if he could just check in with me before disappearing to the bathroom for 1-2 hours. This immediately turned into a huge fight. He said “if that’s how you feel then why the **** do you even live here” our last argument he said “well why do you even want to be with me?” 

Does he want to break up? It makes me feel like her doesn’t even really want me here.. we’ve been living together 4 years married 1 and every argument leads to this. 

I need help y’all. 

13 Answers

Relevance
  • Ann
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Was he this way before you married, or just during the past year?  Maybe he was fine with the "just living together" phase, but he now feels confined.  Did he ever help with any of the chores before?  If not, you should have had a clue as to what he's really like.  I wouldn't argue with him.  If you work outside of the home and split the bills 50/50, then give him a dose of his own medicine.  Pick up your clothes and do your own laundry.  Let his clothes stay in a heap on the floor.  Cook dinner for yourself and wash your own dishes.  He can fend for himself.  Don't clean up after him.  Sleep on the couch.  When he starts trying to fight you about it, just say, "Well,you've hinted that you  really don't want to be with me.  I assume that you just want me to be by myself, so that's how I'm living".  I don't know your living arrangement, but if you're in an apartment and both on the lease, it would be very hard for one of you to move out and leave it for the other person to pay the full amount.  If he decides to leave and tries to leave you with all of the expenses, start divorce proceedings and take him to small claims court.

  • 1 month ago

    They say that the best defense is a good offense. And that's what your husband is doing. Instead of hearing and listening sympathetically to your concerns, instead of trying to find some commonly agreed upon solution, he attacks you. Or avoids you.  Instead of asking whether he wants to break up with you, ask yourself, whether you want to break up with him. With all you described, I would also ask "...then why do you even live here"? as he did.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I hate that you are having issues in getting along. This should be a time when you are enjoying the time that you spend together. These problems can be resolved, so please don't give up. It's important that you both agree to handle disagreements differently than you currently do, and try to do this when you're not having a fight. A good marriage is a relationship of two real good forgivers. I wanted to share a family happiness workbook that may be helpful for you. It offers some real good advice that you may find helpful in dealing with things like this issue that you are having.  I posted the first link to address the issues you need to settle now, but the second link is the link to the first section of the whole workbook.  

    Hope this helps :o)https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=1102014...

  • 1 month ago

    It's a passive aggressive form of threatening you with abandonment. It's really lousy of him because you're asking for help around the house and his response is to blackmail you with threats so that you stop asking him. 

    There is no such thing as "being too sensitive". Your feelings are your feelings. By saying your feelings are WRONG, he is making it clear he does not take what you say seriously and that he doesn't even want to try.Next time he brings up "breaking up", call his bluff. Tell him that you've run out of answers, that is seems he doesn't even really want you there, and go pack a bag. Go to a friend's, a relative's, or a hotel for the night. And use that night to really, really think about whether or not you should be keeping house for a man whose main way of dealing with marital strife is to threaten you with ending the marriage altogether. 

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 month ago

    If you're always picking over piddling stupid stuff, why ARE you staying there?

    It's better to live on the corner of a roof than in a home with a with a contentious wife.

  • MissA
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Therapy.  Just by yourself if he won't go.

    Assuming your depiction of this behavior is accurate he's an overescalator.  This *can* actually be a normal albeit obnoxious personality trait, and if he's generally overdramatic and easily hurt then that might be the case.  But it's also a real common manipulation technique... which currently seems to be working, assuming he's not actually started helping around the house yet.

  • 1 month ago

    I would tell him that you've stayed and lived with him thus far because you love him, although the more he brings this subject up in arguments, the more you're questioning his love for you. 

  • 1 month ago

    He doesn't like confrontation and is scared of it.  So you taking off or him running away from it in some form is his defense mechanism.

  • Ana
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    He needs to learn how to have logical disagreements, and problem solve, without attacking you and trying to question the relationship. He’s getting defensive when there doesn’t need to be defensiveness. Not every discussion needs to turn into an argument. There can be calm and intellectual disagreement without it being a problem or a bad thing. 

    For example… You say “hey honey, I know that we are working hard, but I think that we should also spend some more time going on dates. I think if we cut down on XYZ, it’ll give us time”. And then he says “ok maybe we should just get a divorce then” like... that’s not okay. It’s ignorant and stupid.I think your solution for this, is for you guys to go to marriage counseling

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Why do you stay with him?  He is right, if you are unhappy with him, why are you with him?

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.