How to tell my friend that she is racist.?

I have a friend, who obviously treat White, Asian and Black people very differently, but she never thinks that she is a racist, she always has a way to justify herself. How can I make her realize that her logic has problems and she is a racist without sabotage our friendship, because I do think she has the room to turn around and be a better person.


To Kate who answered below: I do appreciate your answer, but when you encounter a racist person, the last thing you should think is "Maybe that person is just rude." or "May be he just had a rough day. "That is exactly how these people get away with it. If someone is rude to another person for no reason, yes, he might just had a bad day, but the bigger chance is, he is just simply a racist. You may not have a racist bone in your body, but what about sitting and watching it happens.

Update 2:

I thank you all for the answers. some of the answers are doubting my judgement that if my friend is a racist. So my friend took out a pepper spray and hide behind her when he sees a black guy passing by her front yard. She's a close friend of mine and I have been looking for excuses for her for a while for some other situations, but I cannot justify this pepper spray thing anymore. I don't want to lose a long term friend so I am trying to do something instead of just leaving.

Update 3:

My friend is a very sweet, warm hearted lady. I have been observing and trying to confirm what I thought. Until this pepper spray event happened, there is no doubt anymore.

11 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Confront her. If she’s really doing as you said and treating people of color with disrespect or scrutiny, then simply confront her. Preferably when she’s in the act so she can be embarrassed out of being that way.

    If you sit her down one on one she might deny it and call you crazy.. unless someone else besides yourself can attest to your observations, she will deny the whole thing.

    Now if someone else can second your thoughts and back you up, I would definitely advise an intervention of some sort.

    But I believe in embarrassing people out of bad behavior because it works. They’ll remember the embarrassment they felt when they committed the act and will refrain next time. I’m not saying to blurt it out to the world but if she treats someone a specific way because of their color in front of you, pull her to the side and say “That wasn’t right girl”  or “why are you acting like that?”  And she’ll know exactly what she did.

  • 1 month ago

    I don’t believe you. I find that it is always better to give the benefit of the doubt to other hWite people, instead of being a race traitor. 

  • 1 month ago

    So in your update 3 days ago you answered your own question. You know all about the subject! So why can't you figure it out for yourself?

  • Carmen
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Just keep reminding her God loves everyone he is not partial or judges on the basic of our outer appearance only so we should treat people as we want to be treated with dignity respect honor love even if we don’t like something about them or agree with everything about them.

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  • 1 month ago

    I don't think you even know what the definition of racism even means. According to the Oxford dictionary, rascism means 

    1. Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.

    2.The belief that different races possess distinct characteristics, abilities, or qualities, especially so as to distinguish them as inferior or superior to one another.

    If you are one of those people that claim that nobody can be racist towards white people. You are a racist yourself. 

  • Sergio
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Are BLM or antifa or other Marxists forcing you to do this 'crusade' to rehabilitate racists or so-called racists?

    I doubt if your perception is real or not.

  • 1 month ago

    If she's a racist she is.... not sure why you have to remind her.  Essentially, it's not your business whether she's a racist or not and if you don't like her behavior or ethics, then why is she your friend at all?  That makes no sense.  

    It doesn't matter what you think. She's not going to magically change. 

  • 1 month ago

    What kind of things does she do to show she is racist? 

    Are they undeniable things? Does she make faces when person of color passes? Does she smile friendly at white people and then roll eyes at black person? Does she have weird views??

    I’ve had friends with ways of thinking that I thought were strange and I expressed my opinions. Don’t be shy to express your opinions with friends. Especially concerning something so serious. 

    Be nice. She maybe not care what you have to say but still confront her.

  • 1 month ago

    How about instead of accusing people of being racist you focus on yourself. 

    People who are always thinking about race, accusing others of being racist, or visually trying to see how people treat others differently due to race.. are actually truly the racists themselves. 

    People like myself and others who Actually don’t have a racist bone in our body.. would never even be looking for people being racist in situations. Probably because we aren’t thinking about race. My mind just automatically diverts it to different things such as “ohh maybe the person is rude”.. I never think OMG SHE HATES HER BECAUSE SHES BLACK that must be the reason! 

     Imagine having that sort of mindset? I truly feel sorry for you. Look in the mirror.. because you actually just might be the racist. 

    Additional comment: when I said “maybe she’s just rude” I was talking about maybe the “racist” as you would refer to them doesn’t like the black person not because “they're black” but simply because that person is rude to them or gives them attitude or something, I never just assume someone is being “racist”.. there are a lot of other reasons why someone might not like another human being.. that has absolutely nothing to do with race. If you automatically see someone who doesn’t like another human and assume that they don’t like that person because of their race.. you are in fact a racist. 

     ALSO most TRUE racists will in fact voice their opinion without hesitation on being racist. True racists will make a point out of how they feel and not apologize. TRUST ME. True racists

    Will not hesitate to say the N word or tell you how they truly feel. So anybody who says they “are not a racist”

    Probably are not. Just an FYI.

      Also just want to point out this topic makes me so angry because people assume my husband is “racist” simply because he is a white man with a southern twang who grew up in rural Louisiana and is voting for trump. We have black neighbors who are out of town right now and my husband called up a group of his friends and they all spent almost 4 hours boarding up my neighbors house in preparation for Hurricane Zeta.. literally without even being asked! He did this purely out of the kindness of his heart and because he loves our neighbors. WE love our neighbors, they are literally family to us. In fact they come over every Saturday for football Saturday. 

     So be VERY careful when you assume people are racist. You better have big proof to back it up. Is all I’m saying. 

     Thomas Rhett says it best “it’s hard to live in color when you just see black and white”

    God bless your heart.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    It is not your place to say anything. MYOB....when did you get your degree?  that you know so much, about how YOU think how has room to turn around.

    Do you have enough sense to MYOB?

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