Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Told my daughter that we are going to start making rules for days her boyfriend can come over.  She said I was being unreasonable. How am I?

Her boyfriend is 37. She is 27. She is struggling with money and had to move back in with us because she couldn't pay the rent. Her boyfriend is struggling with money also she said and has to stay with his mom for the time being.  I think his credit is shot he has terrible credit.The problem is that she has so much debt with these student loans she went to an expensive university MIT 4 years ago and is still trying to pay everything. We told her how important it is to pay everything off. We are not asking for her to pay rent here but we do need her to continue paying off loans and pay for all of her groceries. She works full time 5 days out of the week and still can't afford to live on her own.  She said she's looking for a second job so we can have our space back because me and my wife do miss being alone.  My wife said she is on vacation from work this week and she doesn't want to constantly see daughter's boyfriend. Daughter's boyfriend is over every Saturday and Sunday. My wife said if he is over Saturday he can't come over Sundays anymore and they are going to have to find somewhere else to spend time at. They can go to a park or somewhere. It's not necessary to be here all of the time. I asked my daughter why she never wants to go over his parents house and spend time. They couldn't even give me a valid excuse.  A while ago my wife suggested they get a hotel for a couple of nights but I don't believe in that being christian 

Update:

He is extremely respectful and they never do anything crazy around but we need our space.

5 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    I think you need to get over your daughter and her boyfriend getting a hotel together. Pick your battles. Plus they're consenting adults and their sex life is none of your business or in your control.

    Tell them to get a room. Literally. You can't complain about needing your space back but then limit the other options. 

  • Ana
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    It’s kind of sad that you are allowing your daughter to convince you about how you should be parenting her. You seem like you need her approval more than you need her to become a responsible adult. You’re supposed to be her parent, not her “friend”. 

    This kind of explains why she is still staying at mom’s house at the age of 27. She’s a total bum and it’s your fault for being too soft and not having conviction. You really should have kept a father in her life. You’ve failed her as a parent 

    The ironic thing is, whether she has sex or not is the least of your worries. How you patented her, her lack of steady job and higher paying income, her bad choice in partners (crazy age difference), and you needing your kid’s approval regarding what punishments you give them, etc are all much bigger issues

  • 1 month ago

     You not believing in your unwed daughter getting a hotel room with her boyfriend is, truthfully, of zero matter. Sorry about that. I'm ashamed of both your daughter and her boyfriend for the choices they are making here with you and your wife providing their courtship opportunities. Working two jobs to obtain what you want for yourself is a totally normal thing to do. And she has the time since she isn't in school or keeping her own home. Sounds like exactly what she needs to be doing. You and your wife need to run your own home. Make your own rules. And daughter getting a hotel room with her bf now and then would seem a given. Despite them both living off their respective parents, they are fully adult lovers and need to take care of their own business. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I really don't care what an adult child who is living with me thinks.

    I make the rules in my house.

    I raised my children NOT to take advantage of me, so I don't face this issue.

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  • y
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Setting limits is not unreasonable.  If she is struggling s much then a hotel is out of the question, it's a waste.  Got a basement or a shed they could clean up and use to hang out, like teens do?

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