I have communication problems? ?

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone has helpful methods with communication skills in relationships? I’m married and I’ve struggled with communicating my wants, my needs and how I feel about things that bother me. Growing up and still now, I’m very shy. And when I was little, expressing how I felt if something was wrong or if something bothered me, I would hide it. My parents, especially my mother, they would turn my words around and but blame on me. As a result, I’ve had such a hard time communicating with people and, it’s been taking a rocky toll on 

my marriage. When I try to communicate I get very anxious, feverish, my heart starts to race and I start to cry. I fear the worst result, thinking I’ll get in trouble for saying the things that bother me, that I’ll get ignored and that people won’t listen and won’t care. And that’s what it was like growing up for me. I trust and love 

my husband and I hate when I do this because I know it hurts him and he feels awful because, he can’t do anything to help. If something bothers me that he could’ve done, I get very quiet and my mood changes, he can tell something is wrong, he’ll ask but I have a hard time telling him, so I’ll say nothing is wrong. This is why I’m asking for any useful tips.

Thank you! :) 

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    I looked at your questions,  you past postings.  You  have a myriad of problems in this relationship (which may or may not be a marriage.  In one post he's your bf; in another post his father is your father in law.  Pick one), and one problem APPEARS to be that you and your husband speak different languages.

    Perhaps if you married someone with whom you share a language life would be easier.

    I say this sincerely - you need to find a good therapist.

  • Hiya
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    From what I gathered by what you’ve written it seems that the underlying issue isn’t actually communication but the real issue is the ability to be vulnerable to your partner. You say you trust your husband but your actions do not show that is the case. 

    You have to first begin by trusting your husband. 

    Are you able to tell him secrets about your past? Have you asked for his opinion about something regarding your looks or how you dress? Have you told him when you aren’t feeling well? 

    How does he react to these things? Hopefully in a caring matter. If that is the case, these are indicators that he cares about you and your well being.

    As a husband he wants to help you and make sure your okay but also he wants to know how he can be a better husband and make you happy. If there is something wrong and you aren’t telling him, you make it hard on him to help you.

    What you need to do is trust your husband and realize he won’t act the way people have in the past when you e stated how you really feel.

    Besides if you can’t be open to your husband, then who can you be open with? Will you just hold things in for the rest of your life? That weighs heavy on a heart.

    For your marriage sake, your husbands sake and for you, please open up, be vulnerable, and trust your husband.

  • Robert
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If you love and trust him enough to marry, you must know that he will listen if you just talk.  Simply find a quiet time and tell him that you worry sometimes.  He'll ask why and then you basically tell him what you said here.  Give him an example or two of things that bother you and ask for his opinion.  Remember that marriage is a compromise and if yours is strong, it doesn't mean you always get what you want.  But it does mean that you always discuss differences and come to a conclusion or compromise.   No one is 100 percent in agreement with their partners all the time.  But the best partnerships are where people accept their differences and work with them.   You have some sills that  he lacks, and he is better at some things than you.  That makes a very good team and two people who are stronger as one unit.  So use each of your strengths and rely on the other on weaknesses.  That includes this case of communication.  Explain this to him and hopefully he will learn to stop and talk with you when he sense a mood change.   In a partnership there is every reason to talk through things.  You should not be fearful

  • 4 weeks ago

    Well maybe the first thing you could learn to do is to tell your husband that you have a hard time communicating.  If your mood has changed and he asks if something's wrong, tell him yes, but you don't know how to explain it. 

    That's a start, at least.  One small thing at the time.

    You could also try talking with a therapist about this too

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  • 4 weeks ago

    You seem to be stressing yourself out for some reason; no doubt your upbringing is a factor. However, you're a big girl now and all that is in the past. 

    First, learn to breathe! When you start to feel a little stressed, slow your breathing. Take long deep breaths, not uncomfortably long and deep, and after half a minute or so go back to breathing normally. But let that normal be a little slower and deeper than your previous normal. Your husband loves you! Why would there be any trouble?! He understands that you make mistakes just as he does. Allow that love to flow between you. 

    There are many relaxation techniques, not least yoga and meditation. Go to a class or find some techniques on Youtube.

    Good Luck!

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