Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

What do we do at Christmas time when childhood traumas are triggered ?

Every year at Christmas I feel the pain of my parents high conflict divorce. I could never see my Dad or is family as my mother committed parental alienation. At the same time my Dad did not fight in court which made me feel rejected by him. If I don't see both parents and much of their family at the holidays I feel devastated and loss because the childhood wound opens even if I am not seeing them for understandable reasons. This year with coronavirus I likely will not see my Dad and his half of the family so it will be just like childhood where I am only with my Mom and her close relatives. I may see just my Dad at some point the week after Christmas but not his family. 

      

What do we do when these are triggered? How do I stop having so much pain every year at Christmas time and other family celebrations? My mother said stuff when I was a kid to vent that she did not mean but I internalized as "Dad and his family don't want to be around us" or "Dad left us". She never says these things now at all and is merciful towards my father but the pain has never left me from when the divorce was going on.  

2 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    You might stop living in the past and live RIGHT NOW.  Right now your parents aren't going through a divorce and the events of your childhood are in the past. Your childhood is over. Your mother's  negative comments have stopped, and more. 

    Sure, it's difficult for everyone (not just you) because of this pandemic but making the best of any situation is the healthy thing to do.  I'm not exactly doing cartwheels over here and i had to cancel two trips to see my own kids/family this year because of the virus.  So i find things to do in order to pass the time.  I have projects and interests.  I exercise - go out walking - go to the beach or hiking trails.  I work on art.  I started a few projects and am also doing some research on a couple of things which interest me.  

    Everyone i know is in the same situation.  You're not alone.  Maybe remember that?

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe you shouldnt go if you feel that way

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.