Anonymous

I’m 13 and I’m not allowed to watch PG13 movies at all and my biological dad did some bad things.?

I’m adopted. My biological mom is an amazing woman. My biological dad is in jail for 36 years for trying to kill 2 people and assaulting someone else. My non-biological parents are really strict. They won’t let me watch PG13 movies and I can only hang out with my friends on Thursdays and my curfew is 9:00 and if I’m not home by 9, I get grounded for the next month. If I get a B, I get grounded for two weeks. It doesn’t matter if I get that B up to an A in 1 week. I’m still grounded for 2. I have a lot of friends and that comes with a lot of drama. Last year, we had a fight over whose phone was the worst that almost ended our friendship. A few of my friends suddenly decided they were lesbian and I don’t mind if someone is lesbian but they decided suddenly like over the summer. It just surprised me. Now they are really depressed because they don’t feel likes anyone likes them and I don’t know how to help them. They don’t know enough to know what it feels like to not feel loved. At school, I’m fine. At home, I can’t be there for 5 minutes without being yelled at. My siblings won’t let me hang out with them. I’m the oldest and they absolutely hate me for no reason whatsoever. Everyone I loved in my family has died. Any advice on what I can do to calm down?

Update:

My biological mom is in Arizona and she is getting engaged. She can’t help me. She was also the one who chose to set me up for adoption. It was my biological dad who didn’t want me to be adopted. It’s just all really confusing.

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    First of all, I'm so sorry you are going through all this.

    Know that whatever your dad did is not your fault. Your biological father's actions have nothing to do with you and they don't define you. Many people have biological parents that weren't good parents, so you are not alone on this.

    About your adoptive parents it does sound like they are way too strict. Unfortunately no one is born knowing how to parent a kid and many parents make these mistakes. I don't know if you could try to talk to them about how to be more flexible about some of these rules. 

    Or trying to talk to another adult you trust, like an uncle, or a grandparent that your parents trust. Maybe they can help you.

    About your friends, well, they are going through their own things and it's normal to feel confused. What can you do? Just listening to them and be there. Maybe just hanging out w them, or talking. They will have to sort out on their own their issues about their sexual orientation, bc that's something really tricky to deal with.

    It's not normal nor healthy that your adoptive parents yell at you. As I said, talk about this with other adult you trust. Is it possible to report this? Like to a teacher, a counselor at school, maybe your biological mother? 

    You don't deserve this treatment, I want to be clear about that. You matter and you are worthy. Your adoptive parents have failed you on this but you need to try to keep in mind that you are valuable only because you exist. 

    Yes, you are going through lots of tough stuff, it's not nice to feel as an outsider but this won't last forever and eventually will be better. 

    Talk to someone and hope this helps.

    For what's it worth. I care about what's happening to you, even if I'm a stranger. Everything will be ok

    Big hug!

  • 4 weeks ago

    My mom was very strict with us, too.  No school activities, no hanging with friends, no one came over cause it wasn't allowed when she wasn't home.  The only way out of it was on Sundays cause I could go to church but ditched church to hang with friends.

    I have no answer for you but just rest assured that you are not the only one that been through this.  I am just a sister in your shoes.  I been there.

  • Mike G
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    My god, what a shame.

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  • 1 month ago

    Well, first of all we don't just wake up one day and decide we are a lesbian.  Yes, i know, people can be anything they want but if someone is naturally attracted to the same sex, they've always been that way since they were really young.  Others just decide to have same sex relationships because they are "trendy" and because they want some sort of attention, when they aren't a lesbian at all.... 

    I don't see what the big deal is about a person's sexuality or why it has to be announced to everyone in the world, either.  Who cares?  I don't.  To each their own when it comes to their PRIVATE sex life.  

    Meanwhile, if your friends want or need help, they need to fix their issues by themselves. That's how we all have to do it. NO ONE can fix us.  Same goes for you. And i truly do not believe everyone hates you.  

    As far as your home life goes, there are worse things than not being able to watch PG-13 movies.  And if you have to be home at 9:00, then do that.  I don't see what the problem is. 

    Maybe you can talk with your school counselor about your issues and they can give you advice about what to do.  Or maybe they could see you for a while regularly and you two can talk things through and figure things out when it comes to YOU.  

    take care

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  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Where is you biological mom? Can you contact her, without anyone knowing, you know write a letter at school and mail it or ask a friend to mail it for you. If you can contact her, let her know what is happening to you, If she cares, she will do whatever she can to get you back, she will need a lawyer, a free lawyer at legal aid can help her. If you have to run away to her, you can do that to. But a lawyer really needs to be consulted. Other than that, try to please these people, hit 18, and run. They can no longer control you, you will be legal at 18, and they cannot stop you. Bit go without them being told, just disappear.

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