My ex wants to have a baby with me ... am I crazy that I'm thinking about it?

We have been together for a year and it's been almost a year since we broke up. We have met 5-6 times after breaking up and kept contact almost every day.

I'm almost 40 and he is at his 40's and we both want to have kids ... 

We do love each other, but we also do understand we cannot be together, at least not at the moment.

We met a  few days ago and he told me that he wants to have a kid with me. I started thinking about it, but decided I should stop as I am just hurting myself and maybe the main reason I am considering it is because he broke my heart. 

We met again today and he explained that he really wants it and he was thinking about it for a year now. He believes I would be a great mother, as I am a great person and he will always be there for his kid.

I know he will always be there for his kid and being 40 and still single.. am I crazy that I am thinking about it?


-I know it's not something that everyone would think about ... but I still am. So please be polite :)

-No I'm not stupid at all

-No he is not married

20 Answers

  • 4 weeks ago

    This sounds like a selfish motive on HIS part.  Ask him if he will sign a letter of intent to make sure he takes care of you & the child for at least 18 yrs. Have it legalized by a notary. "IF" he hesitates forget it, don't put yourself in a difficult painful situation unless you can afford to care for the child yourself. No one knows what will happen down the road YOU might find some one else or him as well. If that happens you will be holding the bag so to speak.  "YOU" are the most important person in this situation so make sure you protect yourself at any cost. You broke up once before that could happen again when & if you have a baby.  I was a child without a father growing up & I really miss that part very much. simply my opinion. Rkl.

    Source(s): I'm a guy and we can be misleading sometimes.
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If you really want a child you need to research the cost to your career, your future earning potential, mortgage prospects, even if you have equity in property now as affordability tests hate mothers, and most especially your pension.  I'm sorry if that sounds hardnosed.  It's not grabby to look after your longterm interests, especially as you know that this man, or a donor if you want to go at it alone, won't be there for your longterm interests even if will do his duty by the child.  Go see a financial advisor.  Make out that you are set to parent on you own, this isn't that unusual anymore, and find out how best to prepare yourself financially.

    Be clear about why you broke up.  Don't be tempted to let him inveigle himself into your living arrangements.  Start talking about how you envision co-parenting.  Go to "that parenting site" and ask about co-parenting and babies.  You might not be as up for handing over a 3 week old mid-week as you imagine (don't ask on the aibu sub-forum or you'll be flamed) for realistic advice.If you were younger I'd tell you to jog on briskly, but here we are - I get it.  

    At least get ALL your facts straight and do some more digging on this man and his family.  A year is in some ways less time than you think.  Be very sure that you would be comfortable with a hypothetical child spending time with his family without you.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    It is very strange after breaking up with you he wants to  have a baby with you .Tell him you are prepared to be a great mother provided he is prepared to become a great father .For this purpose he must be your husband legally . You are definitely crazy If you agree to be the mother without becoming a legally marred couple .A child born to an unmarried couple is called a bastard. Avoid this situation and become a real mother in the legal way.

  • 1 month ago

    He wants to have a tie that binds.  It is usually the woman who get pregnant so she can get the guy she wants by using the baby as leverage.  Sometimes it works & sometimes it blows up.  From my perspective I think it is just a ploy to get closer to you.  I lack trust of most men & I hate being played.  If you feel you can take care of a baby & raise a kid (18 yrs) then go for it.  If there are any doubts on your side, don't do it.  Could you raise a child on your own?  I try to look at things from all directions & often times use the Serenity Prayer to help guide me.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    No kids. Population is high enough

  • 1 month ago

    You should wait until your ready to have it don’t push yourself to do it just because of him get to know him more 

  • 1 month ago

    No offense but yes it's crazy that you're thinking about it. Taking care of a baby is hard work. It's not something that comes naturally practicing helps and also you have NO idea who this guy is or how he is you just met him a few days ago. There's no way that you two can know enough about each other to get married. People are calling you stupid because it never ends well to get pregnant by someone you just met. Have you seen teen mom? I get you're not a teenager anymore BUT half the time those girls get pregnant by a guy they just met and they openly admit they wouldn't be together if it wasn't for the baby or the guy ends up being immature and unreliable. It's an extremely rare thing that the dad sticks around and does his half of the work. You guys are just flattering each other and being nice because you got those rose colored glasses on it's the beginning of you two getting to know each other and no offense but you're too grown to seriously believe that this is a good idea. I really hope you're trolling. I'm not even in my 40's yet and even I know what you're thinking about doing and probably gonna do anyways isn't a good idea.

  • garry
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    bad news , you are stupid .. lol talk about being a troll , this takes the cake .

  • 1 month ago

    it would be a mistake to have kids

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    i think u are saying he is married. look u are 40 now, and he said he will be there for the kid. it will be a secret . u will be okay. he will always be there for the kid.

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