My boyfriend doesn't want to spend christmas with me, am I right to be upset?

I recently had a conversation on the phone with my mum in which she asked me what my plans for christmas this year are. I replied i'm not sure, why? She said well you and your boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now, I wondered whether you might bring him for christmas dinner, or you might go to his.

I hadn't thought about it, as in previous years we have always been apart at different sides of the country with our families.

I suddenly thought you know what it would be nice to be with him on christmas this year, as we are serious and we do live together. 

I decided to approach the subject with him, asking if he'd like to join my family this year. As tbh I do spend most of christmas thinking about him, and missing him.

His reply was not as I expected, he wasn't happy and thought it would be very weird to see each other on christmas. He told me he has to be with his parents on christmas, and I should be with mine. He told me we don't always have to be attached at the hip, and he doesn't want to come to mine for christmas.

I was really upset, and consequently we argued quite a bit. I tried to get my point across that we are both adults and there comes a time where your partner becomes your family. I told him I wanted to be with him on christmas but he was having none of it, he even told me his cousins in their 30's who are married don't even spend it together. 

Am I right to be upset, how do I move forward?

3 Answers

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  • donnie
    Lv 6
    3 days ago

    Because he wants to be with his family stop trying to control him 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I agree with him to a point. It's hard when you both have families that you want to see at christmas. We do christmas eve with his family one year and christmas day with mine, then we swap the next year. Keeps everyone happy. It's normal to want to be with another person at christmas but saying your partner becomes your family isn't true for me. They become a part of your family, they don't become more important. His family are obvious very important to him, so much so he's willing to split with you on the subject. His family have been with him his whole life. It is a slightly odd way of doing it but...

    How does he feel about you going to his family's? Still no? It is odd and I get why you're upset. 

    My bf wouldn't want to celebrate christmas without me. We aren't joined at the hip but there are some things we do together, like visiting family. His family are my family as well. Maybe he's not all that serious about you anymore. 

  • 1 month ago

    His reaction is quite odd to me. Spending the holidays together doesn't mean you're "attached at the hip". It's very normal for couples to spend holidays together. His excuse about his married cousins not spending Christmas together isn't valid, because what they decide to do has nothing to do with the two of you, and it's especially odd for a married couple not to spend Christmas together. 

    Even if he wanted to spend Christmas with his family, he should've had no problem with the idea of you going with him. The fact that he specifically wants you two not to be together is sketchy to me. It just doesn't seem right. It seems like he's hiding something. So, don't overthink it, but be aware and monitor his behavior. 

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