Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 4 weeks ago

Have my partners family made a fool out of me ?

I found my partner of 10 years dead back in August. We didn’t live together and we weren’t married however if we weren’t in each others company we were texting or video calling every day. We previously lived together but it caused us to split up so we preferred living apart. When he passed his family stepped in and had taken over everything. He barely seen his family and his daughters never bothered with him when he was alive. They helped themselves to things out his house then told me if I wanted his livingroom furniture I would need to pay off the finance he had on it.. which I did. They got to take tvs etc all for nothing. They arranged his funeral and are now not offering me any of his ashes. I was the main person in his life, I was there for him, I found him and called the ambulance and informed his family. Am I being seen as an idiot?

10 Answers

Relevance
  • Jane
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    I am sorry for your loss.

    Not an idiot, more an invisible person, unseen and unrecognised by his family.You have little chance of being recognised by them, and you will not get any kind of closure from them.I hope that you and your partner have had others in your lives who saw your relationship, with whom you can grieve or at least share your experience, if not then you must feel very alone with your loss having been treated this way.

  • 4 weeks ago

    These things often cause murderous rifts between close family members so I wouldn't expect much from people you are not related to who have the legal right to your exes possessions. It's sad but unless you can make some legal claim on his estate I think you're out of luck in that respect. Have they made a fool of you? That depends, how do you feel about yourself? Do you think you're a fool? Hopefully the answer is no but frankly his family are not going to give a flying what's it about you.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    i would hope not

  • 4 weeks ago

    No you're not an idiot. Im not sure how they see you but i think they just kind of put themselves first without including you which is harsh because you love him and care about him too. But i also think they probably don't understand the affect you had on him because the bond between you two is something only you two experienced and doesn't sound like it was very public. So i think because of that and maybe because of some of their own reasons they're not seeing it the way you and your partner saw it. Honestly they may have thought you guys broke up and stayed friends so maybe that's also why they're not treating you like his girlfriend. I think they let their grief take over too and they just shut down when he passed away because that's a hard thing for a parent to accept and as someone who's a mom i can say you always worry about your kids and you always have that fear that your kid will go before you do. So i know for a fact that's one of the things going through their head because their worst fear came true. That's a terrible thing to deal with. 

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Sounds like you're being seen as someone who never bothered to get the kind of domestic partnership contract necessary for unmarried partners to be in charge of each other's estates. Surely even you can see why his family might view your not living together as a sign that he didn't consider you as essential to his life as you're now claiming to be. 

  • there's  your  side  of  the  story … the  partner's  side  of  the  story … and  the  "truth" … end  of  discussion.

  • 4 weeks ago

    This is the problem when partners don't marry or have a civil contract together and one of them dies intestate.  If you don't write a Will stating what you want done with all your stuff after you die, then the Law states that your belongings etc (your estate) goes to the next of kin which is his family.....not you.  If you had died instead of him, he wouldn't have got any of your stuff either.  It's sad about the ashes.  You could ask them nicely (yes, grit your teeth) if you could have some of them to remember him by.  Even a pinch could be put into jewellery.  Or ask where his ashes will lie so that you can visit his grave afterwards.  No, you are being seen as 'not a part of his family' by them.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Consult a family law attorney who can review your case and advise you of your options.  Unfortunately, a "partner" has no legal standing.  Did he have a will?

  • 4 weeks ago

    Let me start off by saying how sorry I am for your loss. Losing a partner is devastating. This should have been a time for his family to connect with you and make proper arrangements. Sadly, death can bring the worst out of people too. As family I think they just feel entitled to his stuff. It’s ugly, gross, and cruel to you. I mean, to not even let you have ashes? Absolutely cold. My uncle died 3 weeks ago. He was unmarried but had a long term girlfriend and 3 children. We allowed his girlfriend to choose music to play at the funeral since they connected with music a lot. My uncles daughter is the one choosing what to do with the ashes since she is his next of kin. Your partners family needs to let you partake in decisions. I’m so sorry that they were too selfish to see this. 

  • A.J.
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Country would help for legal view. In the USA, there is no legal commitment at all shown. You were officially a "friend" with no legal rights to involvement.

    If he was financing living room furniture, there could not be much money involved. They paid for the funeral. 

    People do what they want to do. You have no legal right to anything.

    Just live your own life.  

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.