Opinion: Do you think it's wrong for guys and girls to hang out one on one as friends?
I'm away at school for my first year masters and the social aspect of college has been hard because of Covid. Since it's my first year here, I barely know anyone. So far I have made 2 friends. One of them happens to be a guy, is in the same major as me, and we live in the same apartment complex. We even have a class together and work on hw. My boyfriend who I have been with for 4 years has gotten mad at me for hanging out with him one on one. In the past he got mad because we went to the grocery store together. Now, he got made because we watched a movie together in the common area along with someone else. He yelled at me he doesn't like it and will not deal with it and basically made me cow to never hang out with a guy one on one. I talk to my friend about my boyfriend a lot. He knows he exists and I would never surround myself with someone who flirts with me as I am in a long term committed relationship. I just don't know what to do. As I only have 2 friends here and am hundreds of miles away from home I don't want him to make me feel this way. I'm lonely enough as is. I just don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.
- WillLv 71 month agoFavorite Answer
Your boyfriend is selfish and doesn't trust you. You have every right to have male friends and hang out with them. To me, this is a red flag about your boyfriend. He likely doesn't trust you around other guys and/or is jealous because he might think you're trying to replace/fill in his lack of presence. If he thinks he has the right to control your life by telling you what you can and cannot do, imagine what it might be like during marriage. What if you had a male coworker that you were friends with. I'm not trying to scare you and convince you to break up. Just as another guy criticizing your boyfriend's attitude, I'm just throwing out a possibility that you should look over regarding your boyfriend's character. You obviously know your boyfriend and I don't. This friend you have is a friend and that is all you think of him. Why should you not be allowed to hang out with a friend just because he's a guy. Especially if you are classmates who can study together.
My advice for you is talk to your boyfriend about this. Ask him if he feels like you're trying to replace him. Why he doesn't want you to have friends. "I can't help that there is a 50% chance of a friend I make being a guy." Like it's unwise for a guy to highlight a lady's emotions in a conversation/confrontation, I would avoid calling out his anger over the issue.
Regardless, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you being in a relationship and having male friends you actively do things with. And it's better that way because it adds diversity to your social life as opposed to just having female friends.
- 1 month ago
Here are the facts. If a single man is friends with a single woman he has sexual interest in her. Women can have a male friend without seeing him in a sexual way, but that is not true for men. Your significant other understands this fact and that is why is not comfortable with the situation. I promise you that your male friend wants to have sex with you. That's just the way it is. If you care about your significant other then respect his feelings and do not put yourself in that situation with another single man. Play this scenario through and you will understand that I am telling you the truth. When you are alone with your male neighbor friend, what would happen if you took off your clothes and told him you wanted to have sex with him. Would he jump on the opportunity? Yes, he would. If he got undressed and told you he wanted to have sex you would probably leave the room and not talk to him again. You would do that because you have no sexual interest in him. Men will not waste their time building a friendship with a woman unless they think there is a chance they will be able to have sex with her. Respect your boyfriend's wishes. He knows what he is talking about.
- 1 month ago
I don't have anything to do with women, I don't want to bang, Men and women cant be friends only. Lets not be stupid, for many Men this is their number one ploy to get laid, is to be a "friend" then slip in at the right time. Its not the best game, personally I think its deceptive and pathetic but dudes will play any trick to get some. It can work over long term, if the dude is patient it can lead to sex but rarely leads to a partner/relationship. Hence FWB. So really this dude is causing trouble in your relationship is he really a friend is this what a friend would do? You like the attention and back up so you dont dismiss him why is he hanging with you and not available women to bang? I think your boyfriend knows your up to no good there's nothing he can do though your probably going to bang the friend if you haven't already.
- 1 month ago
This isn't so much about wrong or right. It's that there isn't really a concept of friendship between guys and girls.
Either way, inevitably one of 2 possibilities will happen between guys and girls:
1- One party (most likely a guy) will want sex and a girl tells him "I like you as a friend." At which point the "friendship" ends.
2- Both get into a relationship and have sex, and go their separate ways if they need to break up.... and the cycle restarts with a different partner
There is nothing in between.
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- IanLv 41 month ago
I'm a single guy and I've hung out with women one on one alone as just friends plenty of times. Sure, sex has crossed my mind but I have plenty of self control. Thinking about it and actually acting on it make the difference.
- GoodLv 61 month ago
Find a girl to hang out with. You might not have an
interest more than friends with this guy, but this guy
would bang you in a heartbeat if he is spending time
with you, and your boyfriend and I both know that.
Guys know what is on other guy's minds and it's sex.
Get a female friend or get another boyfriend because
you are going to lose this one.
If it wasn't for sex we wouldn't be wanting to spend as
much time with you as we do. You don't have much
else to offer that is of interest to us. We just tolerate
those interactions with us that you should be having
with your girlfriends instead.
This, what you are doing is how affairs begin. You know
it and I know it. "Oh, it just happened." BS.
As for those speaking about intentions. The pathway to
hell is paved with good intentions.
- Anonymous1 month ago
Contrary to belief not every guy wants to have sex with a girl and not every girl cheats on her bf. I’ve always had lots of guy friends and sometimes they are easier to get along with than women.
Unless you have given him a reason not to trust you he is saying things that shouldn’t be said at all. There was even someone else there watching the movie with you for crying out loud. Tell him to deal with it and cut out the accusations. You trust him where he is and he could easily be cheating on you. In fact say that, right back at him. If he hesitates or does anything else then you should be suspicious of him. Often those who accuse are doing it because they are the ones who are actually cheating.
- FoofaLv 71 month ago
I don't personally but if you intend to stay with your boyfriend his opinion on this is more important than mine.
- yLv 71 month ago
As a teen and a young adult, any female that I wanted to hang out with, i also wanted to jump their bones. Now there were some that I hung out with, as part of the group and such, that I actually wanted nothing to do with in that way. Then again, I wouldn't hang out with them one on one if I had a choice either. As I aged, I did start making actual friends with the opposite sex, by the time I realized that we could be friends, and I didn't want want to jump their bones. It could have had more to do with age then anything else. I will admit it did take me longer to cook then most, that when younger my behavior was based more on impulse then thought. So maybe, a guy that had learned to behave on thought, as opposed to impulse, could be friends with a girl for the sake of being friend. Just wasn't my experience.
- Anonymous1 month ago
i think its okay. u know what ur intentions are .just tell ur bf he doent find u attractive. that shud help. u are lonely as it is and have ur morals. tell him to give himself advice first. for a person who doesnt flirt, he shoudlnt be comparing u with his girls or sister or something else.girls acting innocent,tried everything. so he shud close his mouth.