Anonymous

How do I handle this situational uncertainty when dating early on?

I've been dating someone for 3 months and things have been going extremely well. I feel we have overall compatibility, are on the same wavelength, etc. However, we are finding ourselves in a unique situation that I've communicated concern about recently. He is dependent on employer-sponsorship until he gets his green card (which could take up until the next 10 months), but he has a job until Sept. 2021 that he's VERY unsatisfied with. So he has considered job searching out of state starting January to expand his professional career options - as if job searching in a pandemic isn't hard enough, imagine also requesting employer-sponsorship in every application you submit!

So this inherently brings up uncertainty because if we keep getting closer over the next several months, it's going to be harder to part if he did get a job out of state (there's no way I'm moving). He's well aware of/sensitive towards my hesitancy of getting more emotionally intimate until his situation sorts itself out. So there's no misunderstandings there, it's just a situation that "is there" and we can't change it.

I want to avoid getting hurt, but at the same time, there's something very different about him that I see as worth pursuing. How can I continue to reflect about this to ultimately make a decision? The main thing I'm doing right now is monitoring my emotional state really closely, but I'm not really sure how else to deal with this.

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    You need to find out more about his visa type and duration. Most employers who sponsor H1B visas will exhaust the six year allowance on that before they even consider sponsoring a green card, so he may not be as close to PR status as he believes he is (a mere 10 months would be super sonic speed as people generally wait years for this). It'd be difficult for him to find another employer that would take on the sponsorship of his visa, so moving out of state isn't all that likely either. If he's in the early stages of his visa you'd have two to three years to get to know him to decide if you wanted to marry and sponsor him. But that's a very big deal. I married and sponsored an H1B worker but only after two solid years of dating. If you do this for someone who isn't sincere it can destroy your finances because you have to support this person for a full decade whether the marriage works out or not. I'd be guarded but proceed in hoping for the best. Assuming you're a US citizen or permanent resident with a decent job you'd always have the spousal sponsorship route should you decide to take it. 

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