Is it wrong to tell my mother I don't want her to visit my house?
My mom in a generally nasty person. She's one of those people who act all meek and innocent but is quietly laying traps to catch you in later. Every time we visit with her we have to watch what we say because she'll twist it and use it against us later.
I'm out of work due to a wrist injury and my mom wants to come over every other day. I just don't want her over here at all.
Before Covid my wife and I would take her to dinner. That was great because we'd sit and eat for an hour and then be done. We'd deal with her underhanded comments about our house and our dog and our marriage but it was over quickly. Now she refused to go eat and insists on coming over to " take care of me" ( my wife does that just fine, thank you very much). At my house I don't know how to get rid of her.
Is it wrong to just put my foot down and tell her no?
- Barb OuthereLv 71 month ago
No its not wrong to "put your foot down" with your Mother, given her attitude towards you and your wife, your home an just about everything about you. But explain it is her attitude that is the problem and don't allow her to turn that back on you.
- DavidLv 61 month ago
I think the answer to this is obvious. You say you have a wrist injury. That should only take a few weeks to heal, at most. So after you go back to work, plan for your wife and you to eat dinner OUT every night for at least two weeks straight. Yes, that will cost some money, but it will be a good investment. Then when mom wants to come over, tell her you aren't home...but she is welcome to join you "tonight", if she wants to go to dinner with you. But the next night, go to a different restaurant without telling mom where you are going. If she calls to invite herself to join you, say it's a romantic date with your wife...
Before long, the mom will be back in the habit of joining you and the wife for dinner once in a while. But not at your house.
- seedy historyLv 71 month ago
"Mom, you need to come up with a different hobby, volunteer in the community, do something else. I'm a grown man and not in need of your care. You just need to come up with other things to do with your time. Invest in YOUR life, not mine."
- T JLv 61 month ago
No, it is not wrong, nor is it wrong to move and not let her know where you moved to. Get that woman out of your lives 100%.
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- bluebellbkkLv 71 month ago
Far less trouble in the long run if you just let her come. You don't have to react to anything she says; just smile blandly and say, "Uhuh" and change the subject.
But although your wife is of course perfectly able to look after you herself, it might be a kindness to allow your mother help a bit. You and your wife should plan ahead and have a few small tasks lined up so that when she says, "Oh do let me help" (which after all is not unreasonable), you can say, "Oh Jasmine has it all in hand, but if you could brush the dog / throw out those old flowers / pick up a pint of milk at the corner store it would be great".
Or just let her sit and chat to you. Ask her about her childhood or how she met your father; people who are talking about themselves don't have time to spare for making snarky comments about other people. In other words, encourage her to talk; don't just sit there tensely waiting for her to make unpleasant comments about your home.
- EmberyLv 51 month ago
No chance, you're a beta.
- 1 month ago
No it is not wrong, you don't have to tolerate nastiness from anyone, even your own mother. Just be prepared for the the fallout that will follow when you deny her access. You think she's nasty before, I have a pretty strong suspicion she'll turn things up to 11if you shut her out. Still it might not be all bad, if you can stay focused, and remember that her guilt trips she throws your way are just another form of manipulation, and are no more honest than anything else she does.