Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

Is this normal in a relationship?

So my boyfriend (30 y/o) has trust issues, which is fine, so do I (27 y/o). We've both been cheated on before, but I do believe his trust issues are worse than mine even though it was over 10 years ago that he was cheated on. I feel like I trust him more than he does me.

I reassure him as much as I can, but it gets tiring especially since I've never given him a reason not to trust me. He has lied to me a few times and one time I even found out he texted a girl and deleted the messages in order to avoid a confrontation with me. I was able to get screenshots of the messages between him and her so it wasn't anything bad really, but it was still wrong of him to hide it from me.

Whenever he video calls me, he always asks me to show him around me to make sure there isn't a guy with me 🙄 ultimately, I ended up telling him I wasn't doing that anymore because it's annoying and I'm not doing anything wrong. 

The other night, while on a video call, my phone vibrated (I think because I pressed the home button) and he asked who texted me. I told him no one and he asked for a screenshot. I told him no (because I just feel tired of having to prove to him that I'm not lying) and I also started laughing (not sure why - I guess because of how ridiculous it was) and he hung up on me and told me I was being very suspicious. 

I ended up sending the screenshot because he kept bugging me, but I told him that's not normal in a healthy relationship. 

What should I do?

3 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    I used to be like him too until I realized that being the that way doesn’t solve anything. Maybe tell him that being that way is interfering with his happiness. It’s unhealthy for him as well as you. I feel like people do that because they think being suspicious will make them ready if a time comes that someone will cheat, which they won’t hopefully, but if they do, it’s going to hurt regardless. So there’s no point in worrying and being suspicious imo. I think if you trust someone from the start and then they cheat, you will know that they are dumb for it because you trusted them. You will know you are better than them. But if you’re suspicious about it and trying to prevent it, you look kind of dumb in the end because you tried to prevent it so hard and it still happened. Good luck. Also at the same time I don’t think it hurts to reassure him at times

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You do not have a healthy relationship.

  • 1 month ago

    None of the above is anything I'd tolerate. Including you investigating him. Good luck. 

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