I want to cheat on my significant other?
My bf and I have been in a relationship for over a decade. We have children together and are hs sweethearts(I was 14 he was 19). Our connection can be good at times except more times I feel very disconnected. Like I’m missing something. We didn’t have a great relationship, mostly great sex (Tho I was a virgin) and I stayed bcuz it reminded me of my abusive upbringing. He’s very controlling while I’m naive and dependent. Now I feel trapped and stuck because we have children. I met a really amazing guy who I am insanely attracted to on every level. Ive become severely depressed over it because I stayed in this abusive relationship, believing that there’s “no way out” and now I almost fear leaving it. I also fear being a single mum, alone and taking the children from their father, I lost mine when I was young. This man I met makes me feel happy, nothing outside of my children has done that in a long while. I know he isn’t serious about me, it still feels exciting. I want to have him come over while my bf is working so I can do all the things I envision myself doing to him, with him. I feel awful thinking this way but it kind of turns me on thinking about sneaking around. I’d talk to my s/o about it, the problem is he isn’t big on communicating, he’s testy and explosive and talks me out of everything I want to do or yells. What do you think about this?
We aren’t married, he doesn’t believe in marriage.
Our children didn’t witness the abuse.
I had children because he wanted them.
- Anonymous1 month ago
No - you want to cheat on your insignificant other.
- Anonymous1 month ago
First off, IF YOU WERE DATING HIM WHEN YOU WERE 14 AND HE WAS 19 I AM PRETTY SURE IT IS ILLEGAL! Just break up if you really want to do this
- ?Lv 71 month ago
If you search your soul and are honest with yourself you'd likely realize that relationships that start this early in life always reach this point. You're realizing how much life you missed out on and what superficial standards you had for picking a partner when you were a child. However, whether by his choice alone and your blind obedience or not, you've now brought children into this. It's probably inevitable that you and this guy will separate eventually. So you can make that breakup hostile by cheating or you can be mature and end things romantically before you move on with another guy. The best case scenario here is probably that you and he negotiate an amicable breakup where you share custody and you coparent together. Doing things like cheating on him is only going to make that more difficult.
- T JLv 61 month ago
Why dont you just break up, then you will not be labeled a cheater.
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- seedy historyLv 71 month ago
Skip this guy you want a new sexual thrill from (you do suggest that is all he's offering) and take a couple of night classes at your local college in Women's Literature and Women's studies. Having sex with numerous people does NOT make you less naive. LEARNING will help. When your bf comes home from work, you head out for a couple of night classes and leave him with the kids.
- edwardLv 71 month ago
I have a girl friend who has been with her boyfriend for 15 years, he doesn’t want to get married because his mom gor divorced and it was messy...divorce isn’t hereditary and marriage is a legally binding document. Nothing else
- VPR_0000Lv 51 month ago
So let me get this right, your biggest concern right now is whether you should cheat or not? Not whether you should save money and move out so you can raise your kids in a healthier environment? Wow you sound like a real winner. You're worried about the father not being in their life, yet you want to cheat and potentially ruin the relationship the father does have with your kids. Sounds like you're only concerned with your sexual interests, not your children's well being. Wait til the kids find out their mother was a wh*ore, they'll resent only you, even if the father was the one in the wrong.
- 1 month ago
No you shouldn't cheat on him, you should leave him, because if he finds out you've cheated it could end much worse. I wouldn't recommend sleeping around with attractive guys though, especially considering you fear being a single mum looking after your children. You need an equally reliable partner who makes you happy and doesn't stop you from being you, as it will be exciting for one night or one week and then you'll be back to square one
- LoonaseeLv 51 month ago
Your situation is far from unique....you met an older guy when you were still so young, he took you out of your abusive home and recreated what you are used to, being controlled, abused, diminished.
All your externals you describe here: your bf, your children he wanted, your attraction to someone else are generated from your past s**t, your lack of self love and the lack of love you are currently receiving.
Things are not going to get better with your bf and an affair is only going to make things worse. Of course you fear being a single mom, it isn't an easy road but it is your only alternative to your current situation. Your kids don't have to lose their dad just because their parents are no longer together.
But you do need to take care of yourself, you do need to follow your heart and do right for yourself and your kids. You say your kids haven't witnessed any abuse, I beg to differ. Based on your words, your kids are not living in a happy environment.
Work on your self esteem, self confidence, self worth.....you are an amazing lovable worthy person, worthy of being in a relationship where you are treated the way you truly deserve....with love, respect, understanding. Once you understand this in a deep, profound, inarguable way, you will realize that you have no choice but to leave, for the sake of all involved.
- Anonymous1 month ago
Good I cheated on.my boyfriend too cause he was so boring