Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

How to deal with mil?

I’ve had my run ins with my MIL over the birth of my baby boy, finding out the gender, my baby shower and her just trying to control most things. We got over them or so I thought. The 2 most recent have really been bugging me though. She lives 3 hours away and majority of the time let’s my H know she’s coming a day ahead of time with no regard for my schedule or what I’m doing. So I told my husband that he should be running it by me as well not just assuming cause there’s been times I had to cancel plans or she’d freak out. Well last night she calls H and says that she’s coming up here for a different reason but she’ll be 2 minutes away and she wants to see baby. H says he has to talk to me cause he would be working. H tells me and I said I can’t tomorrow I have plans. He didn’t believe I had plans and says i can do them anytime, (not with a 3month old he doesn’t get it and my bday is this weekend) and that she’s freak out if I say no, so I told him to tell her I had a dr apt. He tells her I have dr apt, and she says before or after dr apt, he said that I have plans, after and that I can’t. She freaks out, me and H argue, I cancel my plans , H find out her kids are sick and H tells her not to come if kids are sick. She freaks again, we still go see her H cause she had him call my H asking to see baby (to make my H feel bad). She gets mad cause we didn’t visit with her H long enough but he was the one who didn’t want to visit long. Tells my H he had no balls to stand up to me.


Some how even after I have in and canceled my plans I’m still wrong. I didnt say she couldn’t come, my H did cause she was bringing her sick kids. My H thinks I should of just said yes from the beginning but I had plans to get things done for my birthday, my house was a mess cause baby was fussy the night before and I got no sleep and I was scared the same thing would happen that night and I’d be forced to entertain in a messy house. 

Update 2:

There are so many things this woman has done and I forgave them. She tried forcing her way into delivery room stopped talking to my H over it for months my mom was going to gender reveal appointment she starts talking to my H again and expects to be put right back in after I already told my mother she could come, and only wants to stay for gender not rest of apt to see health of baby, stops talking to my H For months again cause he told her it was wrong, and caused problems for my baby shower.

Update 3:

For some reason I can’t comment back on the answers. I’ve tried speaking with her and she won’t listen, instead she freaks out and causes my H stress and tries to come between us. To my face she’s sweet as pie, behind my back she tells my H to get some balls and stand up to me but it wasnt me I canceled my plans, my H Changed his mind cause of her bringing her sick kids who would be all over our baby. She was mad over that we didn’t want the kids to touch him if they’re sick. 

4 Answers

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    tell her you need to know when shes coming

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    TBH without knowing what these "plans" are it's hard to tell if your indignation is righteous. Being married and having a baby usually means tolerating grandparents and if that means you don't get to go to lunch or have a  mani-pedi that's just the reality of life. It would be different if these "plans" were a paying job or tending to a sick relative or something. But you do have to give up a lot of your own interests to create a family with someone who still has living parents. 

  • 1 month ago

    maybe you should talk to her about all this

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    hmm she reminds me of Mrs. bucket and your father in law reminds me of Richard. from a show called keeping up with appearances.  its pretty funny. but anyways. she is not right, but maybe she really wants to see the grandbaby especially since he is so tiny still. she probably is worried because he is so small, not have the motorskills of a 7 month old etc. just try to  talk nicely with her. write her a nice letter. send post cards. text jpegs. etc. this way she can be happy. hope that helps. 3 hours is tough for a baby perhaps. 

    yes. i think if u want a cozy party then baby shud be quietly sleeping or lightly sitting with u, and ur friend are fascinated by him. You are worried that grandma will overstimulate him. that makes sense.just explain that nicely to her. tc.

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