Why does his 6 year old daughter get so angry when him and I show each other physical affection?

I have been seeing a man for 4 years. He has a 6 year old daughter & I have a 5 year old daughter. During these 4 years we sometimes have dinner at his house together. During dinners our kids have always played in the back room while him and I hang out in his dining room/kitchen. It is there that we hug or kiss, exc. It has been that way for 3 years. However this year his daughter has caught on to what him and I like to do in the kitchen while she plays in the back room. As a result she now likes to peek at us every 30 seconds to make sure we’re not doing anything & when she does catch us touching. **** hits the fan. She screams. She throws things. She stomps. She is extra mean to her dad, yelling loudly at at him to stop. She screeches Like she just witnessed the worlds most horrible abomination. She is genuinely pissed when we touch. Ive never seen such an angry child. Im stunned. I mean I do understand some level of her being upset by her dad touching me. But she gets furious. She will be playing with my daughter 1 minute and then we she sees us touch she is so upset by it that she wont Even play anymore. Like it kills her whole mood. Why does she care so much? I have witnessed her dad try to giv her love and affection too (when she gets upset about him I loving each other) but she doesn’t want it (at that time) cause she’s pissed at him. Obviously she doesn’t want us to be touching. she has always loved me and told her dad she likes me. Why is she like this. 

Update:

Her, my daughter and I spend lots of time together because we are neighbors.I tend to watch them play outside a lot. She is kind to me. But mean to her dad when he touches me. 

Update 2:

When I say she throws things. More like she slams things. There was one time during one of her episodes when she stomped into the kitchen, opened the door to the refrigerator, and proceeded to angerly slam or throw different things from inside the refrigerator all over the kitchen floor. Her dad made her clean it up. I am just shocked by how much this affects her emotionally. 

Update 3:

Regarding the answer about her mother. Great answer! But I wanted to quickly mention the girls mother has half custody of her. Half the time she is with her mom and the other half the time she’s at her dads house. 

7 Answers

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  • L
    Lv 5
    2 weeks ago

    She does this because she wants her dad all to herself.  Your man needs to sit down, with his daughter, and discuss this with her.

  • Anonymous
    2 weeks ago

     Maybe she sense’s something about him that’s very bad zxj

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  • 3 weeks ago

    I have a dog who dose like that

  • 3 weeks ago

    I have a few concerns here-

    1- You and her father behaving VERY inappopriately around minors! You guys are engaging in intense sexual behaviour, knowing that they could walk in on you guys making out. I don't think there's anything wrong with showing affection towards each other, its healthy, but there is no need for them to see both of you having your tongues rammed down each others mouths going at it like animals. This is NOT something that should be done in front of or around children, if you guys are that horny, then you take it up to the bedroom and close the doors. At 5/6 years old? That kind of behaviour would be confusing and traumatising towards a child, and quite frankly its abusive behaviour.

    2- Perhaps the bigger concern is that her father is NOT disciplining her! Why does he continually allow her to violently slam things and toss objects around on a consistent basis? Both his daughters tantrums and his inablility to parent her need to be heavily addressed here! 

    Usually when a child has a tantrum, its because they are frustrated, that they can't properly communicate what is troubling them! I think her father needs to sit her down and calmly ask why it bothers her so much that she is seeing you guys kissing? There is something that is clearly triggering her, and it needs to be addressed.

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  • Aruba
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    Well as a mom of 5, (4 girls, 1 boy) my husband and I NEVER show affection towards each other IN FRONT of them, we only do that when they aren't around, when they are around the kids get attention and love, as we don't want them to feel their not receiving enough attention from us, yes him and I are still spending everyday together, but with them, and we LOVE it! It is part of being a good parent, having respect for your marriage and kids, by balancing it out!  

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You didn’t mention anything about the girl’s mother. If her mother is still in her life, she may feel like her dad is trying to replace her mom with you. A 6 year old doesn’t understand adult relationships and how you fit into her family. Until she saw you kissing, she may not have fully understood your relationship with her dad. She may be afraid of you getting married and she will have to share her space, her toys, and her father. 

    I’m just guessing at reasons, and I’m thinking back to my childhood and how I felt about my parents relationships with others. I never fully accepted any of them. Most were just me being a bratty kid though. Only one was for a good reason (my mom married a deadbeat loser who treated me like crap and doted on his son). I think maybe you should have a private conversation with the child. Explain to her that you love her father, but you can never replace her mom. No matter what happens, both her parents love her and you would never get between her father and her.

    When the girl throws tantrums, she should have consistent consequences. Her father should make it very clear that her behavior is unacceptable and punish her each time. He should also make sure to set aside some time to spend with her alone. She needs to feel like her dad has time for her. He also needs to give her a chance to tell him why she’s upset about you. She should always be welcome to express her feelings in an appropriate manner, and maybe she won’t throw tantrums about it. Don’t ever validate tantrums by reacting. Don’t get angry or argue with the kid. Dad should just send her to time-out and refuse to engage with her. If he engages with her, she will only learn that tantrums get attention. If the tantrums continue, send her to a counselor. 

  • 1 month ago

    Because she wants her father's attention and she's not it receiving very often. They should be bonding more often. Maybe they should look into going into therapy together, that might help.

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