What to do about my apartment?

I'm so sick of the place where I live. My apartment is disgusting and never clean. My wife and her father live in the apartment along with my 2.5 year old son. My wife has been abusive, possibly has mental health issues, spends all her time on the phone and her father does the best he can to help look after my son.

The past few days child services have been involved with us because she was anonymously report for screaming and kicking me out the front of the apartment complex whilst I was holding my son. Something has well and truly changed for me.

More so because I stayed with my parents for a couple of days over the weekend and their home is so much nicer and more comfortable. Actually relaxing. My father can make quite a few nasty remarks but he is otherwise meaning well for me.

I have been told before not to leave the home otherwise I will lose it and the locks will be changed on me. The apartment is in my name and I pay the mortgage.

So I really don't know what to do. Because I want to take my son to my parents' home and just get away from this horrible environment once and for all. But I also don't want to lose my home.

My mum said take my son to her and for me to stay in the apartment. But that's assuming my wife left. Her and her father won't go anywhere.

So I really don't know how to guarantee access and ownership of this apartment and to also stay more comfortably with my parents. Basically I do think about separation a lot. I would want to rent this place out.

Update:

I would want her and her father to leave and to set this apartment up as a rental home. I feel like it's too much work to try and restore it to a new condition...

I am drawn to the prospect of selling or renting my apartment out and building a new home (not apartment) in my old hometown and just commuting for work. Getting my parents to pitch in support and being a single dad. Is it possible?

Update 2:

Also bear in mind that she has a history of violence and an intervention order just 18 months ago to protect her mother, myself and my son. She also has 3 apartments in her own name that she paid for with loans and her own working in real estate.

Update 3:

More details. The apartment is in my name. She paid a deposit towards it to get it but I have paid twice as much in the mortgage with it in my name only. We are legally married. Her properties are in her name only and she financed those and pays for those. Everything acquired during the marriage. She is not interested in marriage counselling and regularly tells me I can leave the home if I'm not happy. But she will also make threats to leave the home also. For many years on and off again threats

Update 4:

Filing for custody and leaving is simple. Not so simple to secure the apartment though. I really need to consider saving to get legal advice first.

Update 5:

Thankyou for the answers. I think you've settled a good strategy in dealing with this potentially very difficult situation. Get my son away first and then have the serious discussion. I can prove I've been 100% protective of him by ensuring his safety and then we can talk. If she turns violent and tries to hurt me or smash up the home, I can call the authorities to have her removed and continue to strengthen the case that she is not fit to have alone time with my son.

Update 6:

It is also worth mentioning that she encouraged my son to kick me and then praised him for doing so. I got upset and she shielded him. Made me look bad. This kind of subversion should be reported to authorities but I'm afraid to do so as they may question why I stayed and that I'm also not a fit parent.

3 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Get your son to your parents house and out of that toxic environment. Once you have done that you need to have a very honest and frank discussion with your wife as to what is happening and her future with you. If everything is in your name, you won't lose the apartment so you have no worries there, but she needs to get her act together or she will lose her home and her child, as you have the right to make her leave if she is causing you and your child this much pain. Also, if social services have been to your home, they already have your situation on their radar, and will be keeping watch, so expect them in the picture even more quickly again if your wife acts up and is reported. It sounds like she needs help, which is fine, there is no shame in that, but the shame lies in her not getting the help she needs and potentially mentally or physically abusing your child. You need to explain this and tell your wife she needs to make a decision about her life.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    As long as you are the owner, no one can stop you from getting into it. If they try, calll the police, they will get in, and then have to police make the others leave. Let the police do this. Go and see a good lawyer, get this all settled, and a divorce.

  • 28AKO
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Is your mortgage just in your name? when u purchased home u did so by yourself? the deed through the county is just in your name and not your wife also? Are u two legally married have marriage certificate from court stating u married or considered married by common law in your state cause u lived together for so many years but a legal marriage never took place. U need to talk to your wife about her behavior and let her know how you feel. 

    Her father don't seem to be an issue and it's just your wife. Has she always been this way (mental issues/not cleaning much) 

    Just go to the store and purchase some cleaning products. Bleach, laundry detergent, and detergent for dishes with little scrubbers. Put it on counter when u come home and tell your wife u purchased cleaning products so u two can clean up your place. Just come straight out and let your wife know she needs to get it together. If child services already came out u need to talk to case worker and explained to them whats going on. File for a separation or legal divorce from your wife and custody for your son. Well try marriage counseling first. if you can't afford to pay for counseling right now allow your church pastor to counsel yall for free

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