Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingOther - Pregnancy & Parenting · 2 months ago

I want the baby but I am considering abortion?

I was originally told that I would not be able to conceive without medical interference. 4 years later I find myself 5 weeks pregnant at the worst possible time and to an unfit man. Our relationship of 8 months ended when I found out he cheated on me and was abusing drugs. I had no idea. I told him as soon as the test came back positive and he convinced me that keeping the baby was going to be fine and good for us. He also stopped using and started to step up. He then cheated again. At this point we cannot be civil with each other and it's not a good environment for the baby. I fear he will start using again too. I want to carry full term and give it up for adoption but him and his family tell me they will take me to court and fight for the baby. For this baby's safety and happiness I have started to consider abortion. Please give me your opinion on the situation. I am not trying to make mistakes or be a bad person. I only want what's best for the baby. 

Update:

His mother is unfit financially, single, and has health issues. She doesnt want to adopt the baby.

9 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    I agree with common sense here honestly. What the hell were you thinking and just going off on your uncontrolable libido/hormones here?! Anyway what's done is done. 

  • 1 month ago

    I simply cannot understand how you could date and sleep with a drug abuser and have no clue he is an addict. It begs the question about how stable you are as well, especially since you think the child is better off dead.

    If you do not want the baby, then abort. Otherwise, have and raise the baby you were told you would never have and collect child support. If that be the case, move away, before the baby is born to avoid the daddy drama on your doorstep.

  • 2 months ago

    I would not make any permanent decisions right now.

    Give birth to the baby, take her home, and take care of her for a few months. If at that point you feel unprepared to parent, you can work on an adoption plan then. If it really looks at that point like he will try to fight you in court for custody, you can work on getting his parental rights terminated involuntarily (document *everything*, starting now). His family has zero claim to the baby, so they are not a factor, and cannot force you to place the child with them for adoption.

    Source(s): Adoptee and Adoptive Mom.
  • helene
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I don't understand this line of thinking. The baby won't be safe or happy if it's DEAD. It will just be dead.

    If you really mean that the baby will be better off dead, then just say that. 

    Personally I think the baby will be better off with you. You can say you had a miscarriage and move somewhere else.

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  • LizB
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Ending the pregnancy would simplify things considerably, but it's a decision you're going to have to live with. Most women who voluntarily terminate a pregnancy don't regret it, but those who feel forced or coerced into the decision often do. If it's not what you really want to do, then you have to decide for yourself if it's a burden of regret you can live with.

    As far as your ex's threats, I highly doubt he would actually try to take primary custody. Few men who threaten it actually go through with it, which is the main reason mothers more often wind up with primary or full custody (it's NOT because of court bias, despite what people believe). As for his parents, grandparents have no legal rights to a child placed for adoption, so if their son eventually agrees to the adoption then there is nothing they can do.

    Really, though, the person you should be talking to is a good family law attorney. But do it ASAP, because the longer you wait to obtain and abortion the more complicated (and expensive) it gets.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Well HE is the father and as long AS he is using or abusive he has a right to HIS baby. And I know many people on welfare raising 3 - 4 kids and only have crappy jobs if any jobs. So as long as you can afford supplies for what the baby will need they can adopt. There is also government programs to help with child care and so on! So if he wants to adopt the baby let him it is his son! I agree with Kate but I ONLY believe in abortion if the child was made through rape.

  • 2 months ago

    If you do end up getting an abortion, it is something that will haunt you forever. Most women fail to mention this part of abortion, the emotional scar it leaves.. forever. 

     If his family is willing to fight for the child you really have to take that into consideration, it took two people to create the child.. not just you. His opinions and thoughts should be considered and just as valid as your own because just because you’re carrying the child does not mean you alone made it. 

      My opinion is unpopular but I don’t care abortion is murder and I stand by that. If you do choose to have an abortion, you alone will have to answer for it before God. 

      Adoption is the answer, and you say his family is unfit but clearly they are willing to go to extreme measures to protect this unborn child’s life. 

  • 2 months ago

    I'm so sorry to hear about this. I understand how difficult this is for you.

    My advice is that you take a second to think about this as to whether or not you are okay with keeping the child. Ask your parents, siblings, cousins, close friends etc. anyone thats willing to help take care of the child (thats if you plan on keeping ofcourse).  Sometimes having an abortion will likely affect you in the future when trying to conceive. After all, it could be one of the greatest gifts in your life :)

  • Tasm
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Let his parents adopt the baby.

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