I think my ex sexually assaulted me, but I’m also really scared. Am I just overreacting? Even if it did happen, why after years am I upset?

We were at a concert and both drinking, we decide to go to the bathroom (were both women) she tried to drag me into the stall with her but I pulled away and told her “no”. Next thing I know she’s calling for me and it sounds like she’s hurt or in trouble so I go and knock on her stall door, before I could do anything else shes grabbed me by the arm and pulled me in with her and is holding me against the stall and he other is up my skirt and in my underwear and she was touching me and trying to finger me. It was only a minute that I had froze for but that minute felt like it went on for a really long time, I just remembered thinking “what’s happening?, should I stop this?, I don’t like this, should I just let her do this?” Finally I pushed her off of me and left the bathroom. I’m sure I’m just overreacting It was only a minute and I pushed her off. When I left the stall it felt like everyone in that bathroom was starring at me. I doubt they were but it was the most exposed I can remember feeling up until that point in my life. It was strange I couldn’t figure out for the rest of the night why she was so stand-offish to me… I honestly didn’t even remember that that had happened until almost a year later. I’m sure I’m just being crazy and mad at myself for letting that be my first time. Why now am I remembering things from that night more clearly after we broke up? Why am I getting so depressed about it? I feel like I’m just searching for excuses to be upset about the breakup.

Update:

To give some extra clarification: we have been broken up two months but the fog on this memory lifted pretty quickly after like a few days after. this particular moment was my first real experience with sex beyond “second base” we had only been together for three months at that time. But we’re together for three years after. but I just don’t understand why I’m just now suddenly so upset and depressed about it why now am I remembering more details, why now am do I feel violated by it? 

6 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    It doesn't matter what your sexuality is dominatrix is a fantasy that's gripped many, especially within the LGBTQ community! However, you could invariably be suffering from PTSD due to the experience, especially if you've gone onto being in gentle loveable relationships since breaking up with this vile horrible woman! That said, I hope things surrounding your relationship go on from strength to strength regarding their love 4 U as you have 4 them. 

  • 1 month ago

    @liz, please don't post among the Answers. If you need to add more background, click on Edit and post an Update. The Update will appear right under your original question and will be seen immediately by anyone who clicks on the question. People often skip over answers in their hurry to get their own Answer typed, and your extra information could be ignored or overlooked.

    PS You didn't "let" that be your first time and anyway it WASN'T your "first time" in any meaningful way. It was a rough preliminary; no more than that.

  • 1 month ago

    I think after a break up, our minds focus on all the initial red flags and we get so mad at ourselves for not standing up for ourselves. This may be what you’re doing. 

    But something like incident you describe is traumatic, and it’s easier to see the facts once you’re away from the person and have time to process it. 

    I think it’s a combination of these things, I understand how you must be hurting and I strongly suggest seeing a counsellor.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You are not alone, this is very common, many partners in relationships cross the line in various ways sexually, especially when under the influence. You were definitely violated, but it doesn't have to ruin you. Counselling or some books to address and heal the violation could definitely help. Forgiveness is also a huge factor in healing. 

    You are upset because it's been brought to your conscious and feels fresh. Nothing is wrong with you, and you are not overreacting. Your depression likely stems from feelings of powerlessness and simply from being treated so poorly that it probably has affected your self esteem. Best wishes to you on your healing. You're not alone and there is a lot of life and love ahead of you

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  • Sandy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    you were assaulted and raped. your mind couldn't handle it, so you blocked it out until now. since she's not in your life anymore, you should at the very least get rape counseling. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    With out a a doubt it was sexual assault. She went to far and I'm glad that your no longer with her. Why it's coming up now? I don't know. How long ago did it happen? How long ago was the breakup? Did she ever try and force you before. Did you two like rough sex? Just some missing pieces that might've helped form a more concise answer.

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