Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Should I talk to him?

I'm 32 years old, and am married. Before my husband, I was involved in a lesbian relationship for several years with my best friend, who I was very deeply in love with. She moved out of state, and I was hurt for a long time.

Anyway, my husband is super conservative, which is one of the reasons why I married him, because he appreciates traditional family values. However, that also means he is not on board with same-sex relationships, so I never told him about mine.

I love my husband, but I also still like women, very much, and I have had several women flirt with me in the past couple of months, and I have to say sometimes it is a real temptation to not want to get to know them better.

And thus I feel it is somewhat of a problem, and I am wondering if I should talk to him about my past, and about what I feel now. I do not want to keep secrets, and obviously this could get complicated.

Should I talk to him? And if yes, then how do I approach the issue?

10 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    I wouldn't tell him unless not telling him is bothering you! They don't tell us everything! I'm 32 & married also and I have been in a very similar situation. 

  • Iambi
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Yeah you should probably tell him. Maybe he would be up for a 3some with you and your friend! Never know!

  • 2 months ago

    There's a world of difference between being bisexual (which you seemingly are), and looking to cheat on your husband (which is what you'd be doing if you acted on your impulses, irrelevant of gender).

    I'm also not sure why you looked for the values in this man that essentially believe a significant part of you is fundamentally wrong. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You knew what you are, but yet you did not tell this man, and you married him. When he finds out, you know whats going to happen. Things like this sooner or later come out, and if he hears about it from someone else, it will not be good. I think you are a terrible person to even marry any man and you deserve anything that happens to you

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  • 2 months ago

    You know him better than we can. On the other hand he thought he knew you, and is going to get a huge shock, isn't he? 

    You could come out with it all in one go and shake his whole being to the core, or you do it a little more gradually and he'll start wondering what shock is he in for next. I favour the former myself, and be prepared for some serious discussions or else some time apart for him to come to terms with it all - which he may never be able to from what you say he is like. Perhaps that might be for the best. 

    You love your husband, but like women. What does this mean? You want lesbian sex? Is it more about lust? We can't change the past, of course, but you are on shaky ground if you really want to be with women from time to time, and are tempted.  

    You have some serious soul searching to do. How important is your marriage to you? How important are your husbands feelings? Do you want to live a lie for the rest of your life if you don't tell him? Will you be looking over your shoulder in case someone who knows or understands your leanings lets the cat out of the bag? Might you get drunk at a party and let something slip? 

    I suspect that you have not been married for very long, or even known  each other. Not that he knows you and a very big part of your life and who you are. 

    Good Luck! Email me if you would like to.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Sit down and figure out how you'd feel if your husband were bi-sexual and didn't tell you, and then do whatever you want him to do where you are involved.

    Your marriage is based on a lie.

    I don't think you have to be "super conservative" in order to disapprove of same sex relationships.

  • 2 months ago

    Girl you are who you are whether you talk to you hubby about it or not. You deserve to have someone who loves and respects ALL of you, and that includes your sexuality! If you want your relationship with him to succeed, I think it's important that you communicate this with him. Just be gentle, he might need some time to get used to the idea. But hey, maybe he'll surprise you! Lots of guys really like having a bisexual partner and maybe he'll even be open to you exploring that side of yourself. Either way, don't do anything that makes you feel unsafe and remember above all to love and respect yourself. ❤️ Good luck!

  • Billy
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    No, do NOT speak about this, just enjoy yourself with some lesbian flings. Its not cheating, just so long as you don't go with other men and continue putting out for him.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You have to respect your husband preferences and what he’s seeking and expecting from you.

    Only your husband is entitled to eat and play with your vagina NOT any other MAN or WOMEN!

    He has the real meaty co ck not fake one like your girl will use in your hole

  • Robert
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    What is past is past.  There is no need to upset him over things that happened years ago before you even knew him.  Next if you are married, you are married.  That means that you don't have the option of acting on any girl who flirts with you.  Or if you want to experiment it means that you are not really married.  So which way do you want it because you really can't have it both ways.   Are you happen in life and is the flirting just a fun and fancy distraction?  Are you not satisfied and missing something from your life and need to fill the missing part even if you destroy your marriage?   And those are your questions.  

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