Am I selfish? What shall I do?
I love my baby. He’s three weeks old. I don’t have family and friends. My fiancé works long night shifts. I don’t know how I will cope when he goes back. I am not maternal or motherly. Yes I made the choice to have the baby but now I’m desperately regretting it. (AS I did while pregnant) I knew subconsciously it would be too much for me. My pregnancy wasn’t planned nor actively avoided. I am 21 in November. I keep saying I’m gonna run away (like a coward) but I think I may as well end it all as my life will not amount to anything else. Is this all there is to life? My life is very mediocre and even more so now with a baby. My partner loves the baby so much. I delt as though I instantly rejected him when he was placed on my chest , I was practically jumping off the hospital bed. I don’t know what to do. Some advice needed or have I just made my bed now lay in it. I know mothers are meant to be selfless but I’m very selfish and I don’t know how it gets better. Is this it? It’s so pointless. Help.
- Anonymous2 weeks ago
Gov't is killing you with highfrequencyelectricity. Theotokos Virgin Mary gave prayers to "Schema-nun Antonia" on how to save aborted babies from hell. If you pray these prayers diligently, aborted babies are released from hell. On each painted nail there are forty demons. Smoking is censer to the devil.Using foul language calls upon Pagan deities (aka demons); Holy Spirit departs on seven meters. People who use drugs see demons who cleverly disguise themselves as ghosts and aliens.America will be last country to switch to Euro (antichrist's world currency). Contraceptives = abortion;using contraceptives for one year = five aborted kids.Miscarriages happen because of high heels; cesarean because of pants (second generation cesarean will be infertile).Unbaptized aborted/miscarried/unborn babies burn in hell until Final Judgement; if pregnant, keep the kid and deliver at home because kids are chippedusing IVs and vaccines in hospitals. Dentists and doctors chip patients secretly. Ultrasound leads to mark of the beast; don't do ultrasound, please. Abortion leads to breast cancer; a demon is released from hell for each aborted kid. Dogs can become possessed; don't keep dogs inside your home [Pelageya of Ryazan]. Walmart has technology to administer mark of the beast to those who have cat bacteria in their stomachs/brains; stay away from cats [Athanasius 3rd of Constantinople]. Next false flag is the Statue of Liberty. Above earth there is ice (dome); when rockets go up they bring ice down from upper sky to lower sky; ice stuck in lower sky will fall on us during Apocalypse. Earth is flat; earth stands on three stalactite pillars (The Most Holy Trinity); pillars stand on water at zero Kelvin; underneath this ice there is a bubble; and then the abyss. Zodiac is planetary prison of demons; don't believe in horoscopes or you'll exhibit the traits of the trapped demons. Most thoughts and dreamsare from demons; demons never do good. Sleep fully clothed; pray the Jesus prayer. Pray to your guardian angel to have normal sleep. Vyacheslav Krasheninnikov was the last prophet before Apostle John (who wrote the Book of Revelation), Enoch, Elijah, resurrected Seraphim of Sarov, and resurrected Sergius of Radonezh will preach against the antichrist. Humans were created about 7530 years ago. Birds participate in time creation. It's a sin to kill birds. Dinosaurs live under our level; they will get out through sinkholes and lakes; to kill them, go for their nerves. Save the birds; but kill the dinosaurs. First dinosaur will come out of Volga River in Russia. Scientists don't see dinosaurs under our level because of radiation. Sinkholes happen because people dig for resources underground and because earth is heating up. Demons grow human skin (from a sample taken during abduction) and put it on so as to look like us. Demons will invite people to be healed inside their UFOs; those who go will be like zombies after. Gov't provides demons with diamonds and allows demons to abduct people. If you're being abducted, slowly pray the Jesus prayer. Don't panic. Demons use diamonds and souls to power their UFO craft. The bigger the diamond, the more it lasts. Demons have 4 UFO bases: 1)moon 2)inside fake mountain Kailash (Tibet) 3)in lake Baikal in Russia 4)in Atlantis which is underneath double ocean floor of Mariana Trench (Pacific Ocean). There are no aliens. Nobody lives on other planets. Airplanes that go down are hit by demons because they need the airspace to fight Jesus. Antichrist is pale with red eyes. He's possessed by Satan since he's 12 years old [Lavrentiy Chernigovskiy]. He flies super fast; deceived people will say: "Christ is here; Christ is there" when he's flying from one city to the next very fast. He wears gloves to hide long nails. He'ssurrounded by demons who appear as angels of light. Antichrist will trick people that he can do mountain moving and resurrection using holograms/hypnosis; fire from the sky is real because of pollution gases in the atmosphere. Antichrist will have food only for 6 months; then he will feed his 666ed people flourfrom mashed up turtles (Tavrion Batozskiy), but this won't be enough because 666ed people are 10 times as angry and 7 times as hungry as normal people even though 666ed people became shorter (3-4 feet tall = 80 - 120 cm)because nanochips do function of organs (organs diminish) [Nilus Myrrhgusher]. If you have a lot of nanochips in your forearm, then you will not be able to make proper Orthodox sign ofthe cross (last mercy for you will be to cut yourforearm off). Nanochips are sprayed by the gov't usingchemtrails; they're also in gov't food andmedicine; so, eat food from your own garden. In case garden is destroyed by ice from the sky, have chickens for eggs and goats for milk (Paisios). Lipstick contains cells of abortedfetuses, dog fat, and placenta; human fleshis in McDonalds, Pepsi, toothpaste, antiaging,anticancer, vaccines, perfume, etc.; that's why you should not be using anything that modern society has to offer. You're better off hiding within a 10-15 people group in order to escape Apocalypse. During Apocalypse,Christians will eat dirt from under pussywillowtree as it's filled with tears of Theotokos VirginMary; this water will flee if a 666ed person tries to get it. Barcode is Druid black magic curse; QRcode is Mayan curse; when food is scanned, it becomes dead because laser is a substance from demons. Don't go into a UFO to be healed by demons. Unforgivablegreen666 is given by isotope rays on wrist or forehead when people stretch hands to receive small plastic grey card with no name on it (WorldPassport). It doesn't just have to be during this procedure (could be anything you sign up for or anywhere where there is a secret scanner); biometrics (fingerprints, eyescan) or getting picture for passport are very dangerous because they could mark you secretly. GabrielUrgebadze said thattheydoitonindexfingerwhenthey scan your finger. Basically, trytoavoidnewdocuments at all cost. Policewill microchip and isotope ray people on highways. Chipped people will be influenced by computers to take grey plastic card; but when they do, greenmark by isotope rays is given on forehead/wrist. Food stores will isotoperaypeopletoo. Antichrist will also release prisoners/insaneasylumpeople tomarkpeople. Reject 666 at all cost because it leads to permanent hell. If you're about to be marked, pray the Jesus prayer. Hide with OrthodoxChristians to escape 666; leave all electronics behind so that antichrist's minions can'ttrack you; burn documents because they're fromSatan. TheMostHolyTrinity gives you a name during baptism; devil gives an antiname during antibaptism (ex. SocialSecurityNumber). People who die with these Satanicdocuments go to concentrationcamp in hell to await FinalJudgement; once the BEASTComputer is burned down, souls will be released for FinalJudgement. That's why you should give back documents of your deceasedrelatives back to the gov't so that the gov't cancels these digital antichristiannames given during antibaptism by the beastsystem; or just burn thesedocumentsbecause gov't could get upset and could send demons to mark you because of this outright act of defiance. Prophecy from halfamillennium ago describes FinalJudgement like this: Jesus was very upset with people who had littleboards (plasticcards) in their hands because they wanted discount from the antichrist. Givetocharity in the name of ArchangelMichael; he rescues people from temporaryhell twice a year [at midnight September18-19 and similarly on November20-21; pray at these times on your knees remembering the deceased by names (adding "and relatives by flesh up to Adam") so that they arerescued if they're in hell] (or brings them up alevel, that is, to a level with lesspunishment;eventually, people arefreed). Feed thepigeons;when pigeons bowdown, people are savedfrom temporaryhell. It's a big sin to rememberthe deadwithwreaths (because demons put these wreaths on their necks if they're inhellwith theirwrists tied up behind their back while hanging by their wrists), meat,alcohol,sweets,andworldlymusic. Demons print icons of saints/crosses/8sidedstarofTheotokosVirginMary in newspapers/products so that you throw these newspapers/products in the trashblasphemingthesesaints. Crosses on solesofshoes and backofpants are blasphemy. Demons makecarpets with crosses and put them on sidewalks so that people walk on crosses. Playingcards mockhow Jesus sufferedonthecross: clubs(cross on which Jesus wascrucified), diamonds (fournails Jesus was crucified with), hearts (sponge with vinegar that Jesuswas given to drink),spades (spear with whichJesus waspierced).Cremationisdevilworship; only blasphemers such as Lenin should be burned; if Lenin is buried, earth will be polluted, and China will attack Russia because of this. AfterChinaattacksRussia, RuskiOrthodoxTsar (shown by resurrected SeraphimofSarov) willcome topowerinRussia;this Tsar will slay traitors inside Church and gov't; asaresult, Russia will be the only country not under the antichrist.Ecumenism=263heresies;each heresy leads to hell. In 2006 in Moscow (that's why Moscow will sink),representatives from most religions signed a document where it says that all religions worship the same SupremeBeing [aka thedevil]. Priests who participate in ecumenism will have Pagans walking on theirheads in hell. ArkhimandriteAntoninKapustin left a prophecy that Church of All Russian Saints in Gorny Monastery, EinKarem, Israel will be blessed by forerunner of antichrist; pseudoPatriarchKirillofRussia and MarkofBerlin blessed thischurchin2007. Whenpriestspray forcurrent gov't (insteadofprayingfor futureTsar),Jesus getsupfrom Histhroneand turns Hisback tothem. DryLindens leaves(bathbroom)toeat.ForgivemeSource(s): Womenwearheadscarvestiedatthefronttopreventheadachesfromskypushingdownandtopreventthroatcancer. Megatsunami forNewYork willbe400 meters;then engulfed-in-lava LosAngeles willbe floodedtoo; also, asteroid destroys Gulf of Mexico; onlyAlaska (soonwilljoinRussia), Eurasia, and Africa remain (obviously without coasts). 1stbigearthquake in Russia; 2nd bigger one in China (willbesplitinhalf;peoplewillfallinto this hole;radiation!); 3rdbiggestwillbeintheUSA (GreekOrthodoxmonkElidiyfromAfrica). Mutantsfromgov’tlabswillescapeaftertheearthquake; youneed guns/ammo todealwiththem; if gov’ttries totakeyourgunsaway, givethemonewhile leavingthreehidden (to deal with mutants). If gov’twilltakeyoutoaconcentrationcamp, have a bag of old very worn warm clothes (so that they won’t be stolen when you’retakingashower)and specialcuptomeltsnow. If the last descendant rejects mark of the beast, then his/her ancestors go to heaven (saint Vyacheslav Krasheninnikov = Archangel Uriel); forgive me
- Anonymous1 month ago
You sound very similar to me, i’m currently pregnant, have no friends or family husband works nights so i’m alone at night too, i’m worried about how things will change when baby comes. as soon as i found out i was pregnant I became depressed too
- MissALv 71 month ago
Hello there, young woman with a RAGING case of postpartum depression.
Step one is go to your doctor and tell them, "I keep daydreaming about killing myself or running away." Take their advice... medication, therapy, whatever. Then reach out to whoever else can help you... your mom is usually a good person to approach for this, but friends, your partner, and other family are also options. Here is a useful website:
Because right now this isn't you talking and seeing yourself accurately. It's the bad brain chemicals, and the bad brain chemicals HATE YOU. If you can get those in order (and almost always you can!) then you'll be able to see yourself more clearly... and also, incidentally, to bond better with your baby. It does NOT always happen right away for everyone, it doesn't make you a bad mother or even unusual.
- LizBLv 71 month ago
Well, I can tell you from first hand experience that the first year with a baby is basically a wash, because you're so tired all the time from a baby waking you up several times every night that your brain turns to mush and you get very little done outside of keeping your tiny person alive and getting yourself a shower now and then. That was quite the shock to me with my first (plus on top of that I barely survived some serious complications and remained sick for months), but with my second I expected it, and coped much better.
Believe it or not, what you're experiencing right now is not unheard of. Not all new mothers bond instantly with their newborns the second they come out of the womb, for some of us it takes time. The amount of *work* involved with caring for an infant can also be overwhelming, especially the first few months when it seems like you get nothing back because your newborn is basically a potato that cries and doesn't emote much else. But once baby starts smiling, giggling, and actually reacting to you, it does start to feel more rewarding. But one does stay in this "fulfiller of needs" state for quite some time.
I think you posted another question where I made two suggestions about talking to your midwife/OB about a therapist and also planning to return to work, and I maintain these two suggestions. If you're having suicidal ideation, that is serious. You need to talk to someone ASAP, because there is treatment that can help. Please don't feel like because you're 21 and a mom that your life is over, though, because it's not. Far from it. But you will be immersed in baby-land (and then toddler-land) for quite a while, and it'll be a little while before you start feeling like yourself again. Given how you feel, I would *highly* recommend that you do everything you can to avoid getting pregnant again anytime within the next few years. If you and your husband want more kids someday, maybe wait until this one is at least in preschool before you start considering it.
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- Anonymous1 month ago
Please, ma'am, don't do anything foolish. You are obviously depressed, which is very common in the first weeks after delivery. And you need to call a mental health professional or call your doctor and ask for a recommendation to one, so that you can get some help. PLEASE DON'T WAIT to act, for your sake and your baby's, not to mention your fiance's sake. If you think even for a nanosecond that he wouldn't be hurt by your "ending it" as you put it, THINK AGAIN.
It's not unusual or abnormal for you to feel the way you do right now. MANY women experience postpartum depression- and some of them experience it severely and present a threat to themselves and their newborns. From the way you have worded your question, I think there is a chance that you may in fact be in that category, and if so, you need HELP right way ! Something else to remember is that even though it APPEARS that your fiance loves the baby more than he does you right now, that is just on the surface- and looks are often deceiving. What matters is what's underneath. He wouldn't have asked you to marry him and spend your life with him if he didn't love or care about you. People don't marry someone if they aren't in love with that person, not these days. And quit deluding yourself with the myth that women are supposed to be selfless when they become mothers. That's nonsense. YOU have needs TOO, and those needs aren't being MET right now. It isn't just all about the baby, because if you're not around, what will become of your baby? You have a place too. And one of the things you need to do right now is have a serious discussion with your fiance about your needs, especially your need for HELP at night so you can get some sleep. It's UNFAIR to both you and your baby that he's gone all the time. I'm assuming he probably sleeps during the day, leaving you alone then, too. In other words, he's gone right on living his life as though nothing has changed, while you've been stuck with all the responsibility for the life that BOTH OF YOU created. In my mind, that means that HE IS the selfish one here- not to mention that he's totally IRRESPONSIBLE. There's more to being a father than just making a sperm deposit and inserting Tab A into slot B, if you get my meaning. He needs to step up to the plate and take some responsibility for his baby, so that you get a break when you need one. If that means he has to work fewer hours, then SO BE IT. Parenthood and marriage are both about COMPROMISE on the part of both partners. What has happened in your case is that you've allowed him to more or less ride roughshod over you, and leave you to deal with the baby and everything else, while he gets to live his life as normal. And that's not right.