Ryan asked in Social SciencePsychology · 2 months ago

How do I get my life in order ?

Seriously I’m 21 years old, I don’t drive, I am currently unemployed I have worked a few dead end jobs but none of them lasted past a few months. I just wanna do better to be honest I feel like I’m letting down my folks since they’ve tried to help me out and put me on the right path but I haven’t really made any effort and my mom keeps suggesting I go to college but I never truly excelled in an academic setting.  I barely graduated high school by the skin of my teeth and I know college is super expensive and doesn’t always guarantee you a successful life once completed and I’ve read numerous posts on this website about people who’ve gone to college and regretted it and are now up to their knees in debt from student loans. I’ve been remaining stagnant for too long and I’m 400 pounds overweight and that also provides a challenge for me in my day to day life and I’m really scared of entering the real world and living on my own and trying to make something of myself which is another reason why I’ve not been all that motivated into doing something with my life. I know this is something everyone faces and my parents can’t provide for me forever and I really don’t expect them to I’m just so lost and despondent. I’ve built up this safety net, this comfort zone if you will and it’s really been holding me back from greatness. I’ve got a cousin who’s in HVAC he fixes mechanical **** he’s really a Jack of all trades he’s a year older than me and he’s already married


I’ve got another cousin in the military and he’s in Japan right now and I’ve got another cousin who’s 19 in the military as well I really admire all of them and I truly wish I could do something big with my life like they did. Any and all advice would be appreciated 

2 Answers

  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Maybe the most important thing to consider is this. A lot of us have trouble with impulses - giving in to the urge to do something we know is wrong, like slacking off when we should be working, getting stoned, or doing something crazy. You have a problem with eating. 

    Mood and behavior go hand in hand. When somebody gives in to an inappropriate impulse, there's a problem with the person's mood. The person needs the things that keep his moods on track, coping methods. There's a wide variety of stress reduction methods that help. Then again, some people benefit from therapy.

    Healthy behaviors lead to good moods, and good moods fight bad impulses. 

    Also, psychology has some really good tricks for overcoming motivation problems. I'll tell you about these tricks then go into stress reduction. 

    I was listening to a lecture by somebody who said he was a procrastinator, and he said that the problem with people like himself is that they need immediate gratification. This is interesting because the methods I've found that help with this problem provide immediate gratification.

    This is useful for all kinds of things you don't feel like doing. If a task seems like it's too big, think of it as a series of tasks that you can take on one at a time, and start with something really, really easy. Cleaning - start by cleaning for 3 or 4 min and take a 5 min break. Or start by just cleaning the kitchen counters. Immediate gratification!

    Reading - start by previewing a chapter you're about to read, looking at headings, sub-headings, etc. The first thing in assembling a gadget is to put all the pieces in a row and read the instructions.

    Short breaks are good but always watch the clock.

    Staying on task - if you find yourself dawdling, wasting time while you're working, here's a simple fix. Decide how much time it will take to get a task done and do it in that time, watching the clock.

    A famous psychiatrist said that when we can't control our feelings we can still control our muscles. If you tell your arms and legs to get you to the bathroom for a shower, they will obey.

    Try this when it seems that you're too tired to work. Lie on the couch, close your eyes, and get ready to work by imagining yourself working for 5 minutes. Again, think in terms of taking it step by step and starting with something really easy.

    Again, this is all self-help and I'm not saying necessarily that you shouldn't see a therapist. But stress reduction is valuable.

    Of all the basic lifestyle choices, the one with the best evidence is exercise, and you don't have to be an athlete to benefit from it. Research shows that when people suffering from depression go for long walks with friends, this is very therapeutic (source - the lifestyle-depression project at the University of Kansas). Things that take your mind off your problems for a while, like a funny movie, are helpful, as long as you don't let them dominate you.

    Of all the traditional Asian methods (meditation, tai chi, etc.) the one with the best evidence for helping people with mood problems is controlled breathing. Information about therapeutic breathing recommended by psychiatrists Brown and Gerbarg and PTSD therapist Emma Seppala, and other good things here. 


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  • 2 months ago

    only you know what you want

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