Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

Why do I find myself pulling away from my guy after sex. I’m a girl and I recently lost my virginity to him ?

I’m scared of getting attached and not being in control of my emotions

Is this why I’m pulling away? I was obsessed and really attracted to him for a long time before I agreed to sleep with him 

We are in our late twenties 

Normally he was always really aloof and I think he  only wanted something casual 

But after sex he started chasing me 

We had sex a couple of times. And I found myself becoming distant. He also became distant 

Now, it’s been a few weeks and I’m ‘back to normal’ I want to see him again but I am not sure I’m ready to jump into to bed with him immediately 

On his side, he’s still acting really distant. It’s been a few weeks. 

Why?

What do you think could have happened? 

I spoke to him a bit and he is polite and answers back but Hasn’t chased me or asked to meet 

I’m giving him space but I’m wondering if he is done with me and is ghosting ? 

3 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is just, my pet theory that you need to just take with a pinch of salt at best. The intimacy that takes place between two people has a far lasting and potentially growth element in oneself both mentally and emotionally. It washes away all the childish kid-stuff we try to hold onto, because like COVID 19, it's to be taken seriously and also has a lasting effect on us forever. However, we all deal with it differently according to our circumstances when embarking on that 1st intimate road travelled by billions before us that invariably appear to all have a completely different blueprint/template on the whole affair. (No pun intended) You appear to have placed this guy so far out of your reach that once it became a reality you had no idea whether or not it was good enough or pleased him other than the idea you now had his full attention but for what purpose. I'm guessing that throughout the time of sex to you both becoming distant there was very little or possibly no conversation as to how either of you felt or wanted from one another. I kinda also get the impression that despite his aloof character, it's all show as I don't think he himself was sexually very experienced, hence his reaction after sleeping with you. Why do I say that? Because of his very bad aloof bad-boy imagine may only have gained him 2nd base rating, again hence, chasing you after sleeping with him. Does it ring any bells? An experienced player sexually would have registered your actions and thoughtfully (Albeit he might just be using you for sex) cared for your state of mind by acknowledging your inexperience and more so if you'd already let him know that you were a virgin. Is this evoking any memories as to how things played out for you? I think his pride is hurt due to your natural reaction based on where you were mentally and emotionally due to it being what can only be registered as a woman getting the man of her dreams and then some after obsessing so long about what your response would be should your dream playout. It might sound as though my parting words mean I have no interest whether or you end up with your Prince Charming albeit the Frog was a Toad judging by his actions so far. One's pride albeit a misunderstanding on both side, he's still going to have a tough time getting over it despite knowing his wrongdoing too. So, I fear that you possibly being the girl of many guys dreams in your approach to ascertain and politely sacrifice your own pride to mend what many would consider potentially over. I know that based on what we see here people are fooling themselves to a point of embarrassment no less. However, I think you've got a very good case but sadly you might never get your time in court to voice your case! 

  • 28AKO
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    He got what he wanted (sex) he's not that into you. Leave him alone and learn from this experience, focus on u, school, work or whatever you have going on

  • kristy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Tell him thanks but you are moving on. 

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.