Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

How should one proceed in this situation? ?

First, I want to say that I am completely aware I got in this situation myself. I simply just want to find a nice way out. Here's the situation: 

I have known this guy friend of mine throughout high school and college. We used to be lots closer in high school, but we made sure we kept in touch all throughout college. Since I have been single this year, he has suggested repeatedly that we hook up. While being, and with him knowing, how absolutely unsure I am about it, we did end up hooking up a couple of times over the past year, the last time being fairly recently. I don't want to blame him for anything that happened, as I felt like I have given him consent. However, I do want to say that he was verbally, and with his kisses, physical touch, etc., being quite pushy. 

After this last time, I think I realized how shallow our friendship and possibly him as an individual is.  As a date or partner, to me or others (and I know because I have helped/listened to him through many dates and relationship-related issues over the years), he can be often be immature and ignorant of how he makes girls feel. Obviously, I have just only just realized and understood how the other girls must have felt or why they they acted how they did, being put into their perspective literally. On top of this, as an individual, he seems to have no big outlooks on his life, hobbies he likes, etc.

Update:

How do I get out of this since he's thinking it will continue? Seems as though if I be honest with him, I would be the asshole. But if I just ignore him, I would also be the immature one. What would even be a good excuse to use? It's not that we don't know each other, he just feels too insensitive to notice. I do feel bummed about our friendship but also cannot help feeling put off by him. 

Any help is appreciated. Thank you in advance. 

4 Answers

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    You just cool off.  Don't be available so much.  Be busy.  You don't have to have sex just because HE wants it.  Tell him if he gets antsy that he's a bit too pushy for your liking.  If he's a friend he'll accept it.  If he's immature he'll sulk which will give you an opportunity to flounce yourself and leave.  Tell him, it's not doing anything for you and you love him as a platonic friend from now on.  He'll either take it or leave it.  You ARE actually allowed to have your own opinion you know.  Just because guys like him think they are in charge and god's gift to women doesn't actually mean that they are.  You just say 'No I don't fancy it'.  

  • 1 month ago

    I would risk being the a hole and be honest. Tell him he was fine as Mr. Right-Now, but it doesn't look like he is growing into Mr. Right for you as a serious partner, and you're ready to to start looking for who that might be.

  • JJ
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Tell him you're moving across the country but really only move to the other side of town.

  • 1 month ago

    You gave him exactly what he wanted. You are going to have to be straight up with him and don't give him any room to come back into your life. Your friendship is donezo by the way. No future boyfriends would want you to be friends with a guy you hooked up with. This is why men and women usually shouldn't be friends.

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