Should we break up?
Hi all, I've been dating this guy for over a year now and I love him a lot. We've been through so much together, and he's such a sweet guy who does everything for me and is all around a great boyfriend. I've had so much fun being with him and he loves me unconditionally.
I've had thoughts of breaking up with him for months, but it's just getting stronger now. I just started college as a freshman and starting to get more work shifts. Our schedules already don't aline and it's only been about 2 weeks of me starting college. As you can see, I'm already looking quite busy. I also work out a lot.
I don't know what to do, I love him and I don't want him to leave my life, and I love his family. He's been a HUGE part of my life, he's everywhere. By that I mean, pictures, gifts, stuffed animals, memories and so much more. I don't want to stop making memories with him, but I feel like I've checked out of the relationship awhile ago and I'm not attracted to him. I don't like his touch, and I prefer texting him over seeing him in person these days. But, some days I'm totally in love with him, but other days I'm not. I just don't want to make a mistake by losing him, but I don't want to pretend anymore. The thought of losing him makes me want to cry. I feel like I've changed and grown so much more than him and I feel like I don't align with him anymore.
Thank you, I just need some guidance from an outsider.
Oh and to elaborate,
I think breaking up would actually be a good thing for me. But I'm scared to and I feel so sad thinking about it. If I should, is there any way to help ease me in? I've clearly checked out and not attracted to him or his endless loving words.
He's just everywhere around my house, all his things, gifts, etc. Should I put them all away? I don't feel ready to part with him and all, but I think I need to. I've been holding on for so long because I'm afraid of being alone.
If it seems like I'm not ready to break up, I'd love someone to help. But if it seems as if I should breakup, I'd also love input.
I feel like I'm more friends with my boyfriend and I don't want him out of my life, but I feel like having him as a friend would be better, but how to ask for that?
I'm sorry for my rambling, I just need a space to vent now, since my mom and friends aren't available to talk about this at the moment.
- Dr. StephanieLv 71 month agoFavorite Answer
Its sounding like you have turned a new page in your life, starting off to college , etc., being busy, and that while you still have a bond with your boyfriend, you have emotionally already moved on. This isn't a bad thing, in fact, its normal at your age. You say you are afraid of being alone? Honey, do you have friends?Do you know how to make new ones? You won't be alone unless you choose to be. You mentioned his gifts twice...which shouldn't be a reason to hang on to someone ,especially if you are no longer attracted to him physically. It seems its just time for you to grow, to move on, don't be afraid, but do be kind and gentle , and do him the favor of telling him without prolonging the fantasy that he still has you . He doesn't. Good luck, good wishes, now go have a wonderful adventure in your new life at college. (And be careful of the pandemic !)
- 1 month ago
I couldn't even get all the way through this on the first read: You still appreciate what he has done for you, but you aren't into him like that any more. It will probably be hard, but break it off with him - it is clear to me only part way through...
Now, it also sounds like you still want to be friends with him. How you do that: idk. Definitely see what others are saying b/c I definitely don't know how to go about that.
I don't have much advice for all the little ways he is still in your life even when he is not around either- maybe you can get rid of some stuff for good and then just box up the rest??
- sparrowLv 71 month ago
It's normal for sexual desire to weaken over time in a relationship. It's not a good reason to break-up. You will regret losing him if you break-up, but you won't realize it until it's too late. If you hurt him, he will likely not take you back. And you won't be able to talk to his family, if you break his heart. A relationship is not just about sex. So don't chase relationships just to relive the honeymoon phase.
- MamawidsomLv 71 month ago
You seem to be grasping for any reason to end things. That's a sign that you aren't in love. Most relationships end. You dated this guy for a year in high school -- that's nothing in the whole scheme of things. If you don't want him to touch you, then you shouldn't lead him on.
Some ex-lovers can still be friends. Many cannot. Be honest but kind. Don't drag this out.
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- JerryLv 71 month ago
This isn't marriage or even an adult long term serious relationship. It's high school kids going steady. The nature of these youthful pairings is that they are temporary.
Time to release him from any commitments or pledges, to learn to fly solo.
- Coach SimonLv 71 month ago
At eighteen you are still learning about your adult self, and your emotions are still rather unsettled, aren't they? I think you realise that the relationship cannot last as it is, if at all. It seems that his over enthusiasm has cost him your respect in some ways. You may wish to tell him that you are finding it too stressful being such an important part of another person's life emotionally: indeed he does seem very emotionally dependent upon you. Maybe in ten years time you will be ready for such a relationship.......
- lalaLv 71 month ago
I think you have lots of pity for this guy who made you laugh and you were so well accepted by his family
but all this is not love
You are young and its normal to enjoy time with a guy who is to you
but like you said you have grown up and now its time for a change
The best way to do it is distancing slowly from him and with time he will see
that you are leaving
good luck in college
I am the mother of 5 grown up
- Anonymous1 month ago
What you are really dealing with is the challenges of real life as an adult. I suggest that you realize that you need to learn to deal with them in a way you can live with. Breaking up with a guy because of this is not only wrong morally but it won't teach you anything other than to run away from life. People who develop that mindset often turn to drugs and/or alcohol in an attempt to escape things. That is about as possible as escaping from your shadow on a sunny day!