Am I being silly? Or should we just start TTC?

Background: I have a 2.5 year old and my fiancé and I know we want more kids. My fiancé is ready to TTC our second child but I feel we need to wait but my heart wants another child like now. The reason I’m on the fence Is mostly because our house is teeny tiny and I already feel claustrophobic. But my fiancé loves the house and wants to stay for another 2-3 years minimum. I just don’t think I’d like to raise a child here simply because I can’t even think of where even a bassinet would fit and safe sleep is important to us so I will not just cosleep. Also, everything else a baby needs I can’t think of where it could even fit, with our family of 3 it already feels too small. I struggle to imagine adding another person and we’re minimalists so we don’t have any clutter, and nothing we don’t absolutely need. I also feel I’m too overweight and just want to lose 50-60 lbs before TTC. And is it ridiculous for me to want my son to be potty trained before we have another? We don’t rush potty training and he is showing signs but I’ve never wanted 2 kids in diapers at once unless we had twins. That’s the least of my worries though. I’m just feeling super heart broken. I’ve been wanting to TTC for months now and as soon as my fiancé agreed I started thinking about it logistically and now I’m worried and feel like it’s just not a good idea 

Update:

I called him my fiancé because we’re literally getting married next month 😂 y’all wild 

Update 2:

Also we won’t be forcing our son to use the potty. As I said, he’s showing signs but he has medical conditions as well. Thankfully this question wasn’t regarding how or when we’ll be potty training 🙂

Update 3:

I gained 50 lbs with my son’s pregnancy, I’m “medically cleared” to get pregnant at my current weight but I surely don’t want to gain 50 lbs at my current weight. I’m actively working on it (down 15 lbs currently)

Update 4:

My fiancé likes where we live because we’re in a great neighborhood. While not irrational I’d still prefer to have a larger house. I really don’t want to be moving when I’m 9 months pregnant or when baby is new. I’ve already stated that we don’t have clutter, the house was just built a long long time ago and every room is small and rooms are narrow like hallways. There’s not enough space configuration wise to put a crib. My son is in a toddler bed because it’s all his room allows for space wise

5 Answers

Relevance
  • God
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    It seems like you are not sold on having another baby ASAP.  So I think I would wait a year or so.  You'll be a lot better at multitasking when your first born is a little older.

  • LizB
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Well, how about you and your fiance split the difference between your two options, and you give yourself 6 months to focus on weight loss and seeing how far you get with potty training? A lot can happen in 6 months. If in 6 months' time you feel good about where things are and you feel ready to TTC, then you can start trying. And if not, maybe give yourselves another 3 months, or 6 months, or whatever seems appropriate.

  • 1 month ago

    I'd certainly want to be married before I even considered another child.  But beyond that, the timing is up to you, not random online strangers.

  • 1 month ago

    Seems like you have several excuses or reasons to to have another child right now. It  is important that you and your partner sit down and discuss them rationally.  Unless ou are 45, there is no reason you need to have a child now.  You'd be better off dealing with the other issues so they are no longer excuses.  

    1. Potty training.  Let's be honest -- it is time to get on with this.  Most children are potty trained by 2.5 years and there is no reason on God's green earth that your's shouldn't be.  Rushing potty training is when the child is one.  Your's is rounding the corner towards age three.  He won't be able to go to preschool if he isn't potty trained.  Also, it will be at least 9 months until you have another child, and let's certainly hope you don't have a 3 1/2-year-old in diapers.  

    2. You're overweight.  This is something you need to deal with from a lifestyle perspective and with your doctor.  Your baby is 2 1/2.  You aren't carrying "baby weight" anymore.  You've gotten into a lifestyle where you are a chronic overeater.  Maybe you're stressed out  (understandable) and an emotional eater. Maybe something else is going on.  If you are medically cleared to have a child at this weight, then don't use it as an excuse.  If you aren't then tell your boyfriend to help you get to a healthy weight so that you won't risk your own life or that of your child by being obese and diabetic.

    3. How small is your home?  Is your boyfriend being irrational and immature about staying or are you looking for an excuse?  Millions of people have more than one child in a one-bedroom apartment.  What you want and need matters as much as what your baby daddy wants.  If you are having a mental health breakdown over the size and clutter in your current home, then you need to move. Babies require a lot of stuff. Most parents overdo it, but even the most minimalist family needs baby things. Of course, you have those now and by the time your new child arrives, your current child will be out of the crib, stroller, and infant car seat. 

    4. What else is really going on?  Ranchmom1 has a point. How long have you been engaged? What's the holdup with getting married?  Either you are comfortable not being married -- in which case just call your man your partner -- or you are upset deep down because your man has enough money to support two kids but can't make it down to the courthouse to make "fiancée" into legal wife.  

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 month ago

    I'd want a lifetime commitment through marriage before I had any more children with him.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.