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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 7 months ago

Mom in law?

I used to live with my mother in law before (She lived with us to help with our new born child) and we had a lot of issues. She didn’t respect my boundaries but we never set any when she moved in. She was messy I am super organized but she helps by cooking. It’s been 5 Months since she left and we Moved to a different state an hr away and 

she wants to come back because she wants to be with the baby as she grows to help me while I work. She seems like she is genuinely trying to make it work. We built a house with 5 bedrooms and the plan was for her to come but I changed my mind after our fight and decided I had enough.

What should I do? Should I let her come back? I was planning on sitting down with her and my husband and talking about everything and coming to some sort of agreement to Give her a second chance but letting her know if she messes up again, she will have to leave.

Let me know thank you 

6 Answers

  • Anonymous
    7 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    No, because she is the same person she was, with the same habits that drove you nuts. And your ability to tolerate the way she lives hasn't changed, either.

    If she wants to help you out, and be a part of your child's life, great! She can move to a home near yours and help out from a short distance. She could, for instance, make a dinner and invite you over to eat with her, or bring it to eat at your place. She could take the child for the afternoon or occasionally overnight. She could run errands on your behalf.

    But I think it would be a terrible mistake to allow her to move in a second time.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    thats up to you

  • 7 months ago

    I'm pretty sure you posted this same thing at least a couple times previously, just changing the wording a bit. Here's the thing, you are in another state, MIL will have to make a big transition to live with you, do you really think it's acceptable to already be planning to kick her out after she's made a huge change in her life? She's not a child; you all need to communicate like adults because you are all adults. Boundaries, yup, be clear with them, however, know that EVERYONE will need reminders. There will be arguments, that's just what happens in families, but you have to be willing to solve problems that come up rather than resorting to, "You messed up, get out now," unless, of course, the "mess up" puts your child in danger. 

  • 7 months ago

    You had a fight? Really - your husband is the person to discuss this with. How long will she stay? Until your child is eighteen? Was everything her fault? What do your own parents think? What will happen to her if "she has to leave".

    Only you and your husband can decide, but you'd have to be very good friends to make it work - and even then two women in the same kitchen.....?! I suspect that your sole motivation would be to have a free babysitter rather than to give her a loving home. There would be both advantages and disadvantages, of course.

    Good Luck!

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  • 7 months ago

    Your plan of the three of you sitting down and discussing this situation and laying out everyone's expectations and boundaries is a good one. It's how adults deal with circumstances while maintaining good relationships with each other. Allow everyone to offer their input, discuss it, work things out, and then you can welcome her into the household with everyone's expectations being clear and up front.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    How does your husband feel about all of this? After all, it is his mother being discussed here. Does he agree with you, side with you, have your back? Or is he going to be wishy-washy or indifferent and not willing to take a hard line position with his mom? If she moves in and things go badly and you want her out, will he support that, even if it means having to take her to court to evict her? If I were you, I’d be having a conversation with him first to see how he feels and if we were on the same page or not. If he’s not in your corner 100%, I wouldn’t have her move in with me.

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