Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 2 months ago

What would you think of someone who....?

Puts their baby up for adoption without telling anyone after everyone thought they were keeping the baby. (Not telling father) Or a mom who just disappeared from her family (newborn baby and partner).  What’s worse? Thanks. 

6 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    You sound like your head is really jacked up. Give the baby to a responsible adult and let them do what is best for the child, go ahead and run off. Get your tubes tied.

  • kitta
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    These situations are quite different....and can be complicated.

    Mother who places baby for adoption without telling anyone or father, could be afraid of father. I have known several mothers in this very situation who were trying to hide infants from fathers who were violent;the justice system could not help them. So, they did what they thought was the only course of action available to protect their children.

    I cannot say if that was true or not: but there have been cases of violence.

    Mothers who "just disappear" from their newborn infants and infants' fathers...leaving the the father and infant alone together?  This is somewhat different. In these cases, a possible outcome is that something has happened to the mother. Often she has been the victim of violence.(I am not saying the father had anything to do with this...sometimes the perp is another woman!!!  )

    It is also possible that the mother did just leave for her own reasons. Perhaps, a medical/mental issue following childbirth which sometimes happens.

    Our entire family system in the US is too focused on creating an adversarial atmosphere, whether it is divorce or never-married parents. It would be helpful if the legal/social/medical system focused on trying to help parents prepare for parenthood and understand that children are 'forever."

    I was a "friend of the court" in a custody battle between single parents who fought for years. At birth, mom had custody. She tried to terminate the father's rights. I went to the court in support of father(and the child as an advocate for child's right to both  parents).

  • 2 months ago

    She has to have the father's consent, or she committed fraud.  So right there the story doesn't add up. 

    A woman can choose adoption and doesn't need to tell her friends and family.  The father, yes, she needs to inform and he needs to consent.

    A mom disappearing, I'd guess there's a lot more to the story I don't know as well, so I wouldn't pass judgment based on one sentence.

  • 2 months ago

    Placing a child for adoption without notifying the father is illegal. If he is an unfit parent (violent, abusive), his parental rights must be legally terminated by the court before an adoption can take place, or you can end up with a situation like Baby Jessica DeBoer:

    or Baby Richard:

    If she takes her child and disappears, again, that can be a legal problem as she is depriving the child's father of his parental rights. If he pursues it, she may even lose physical custody to the child's father if he is a fit parent, and wants to be involved in his child's life.

    If someone is in that situation, and is in danger, hopefully she will work within the system to get a restraining order and possibly get him charged with the violence or threats against her.

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  • 2 months ago

    I would assume a person might do this out of fear.  I don't know them, so i can't really say, can i?

  • LizB
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If the father is not violent or unfit, then putting a baby up for adoption when the father would be willing to parent is pretty scummy. The father trying to claim parental rights can also jeopardize an adoption, which has in the past resulted in some VERY lengthy and VERY expensive lawsuits. Overall it's better to get the father's consent, even if he has no interest at all in parenting.

    As far as just disappearing... well, hopefully she told *someone* where she was going and that she was leaving, otherwise her partner might assume harm had come to her and police resources could be wasted trying to find a person who left of their own free will.

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